One actor appears about as shocked to discover sentient Russian sharks colonized the moon as he would be to find out Lay’s released a new flavor of potato chip.

“Orphan: First Kill” wisely chooses to throw reality to the wind by becoming kooky entertainment akin to a carnival sideshow that just wants to wow an audience gawking in stunned disbelief.

“Glorious” does a lot with a little, turning itself into a Doctor Who TARDIS whose interior is impossibly more expansive than what outside appearances suggest.

At one hour and 53 minutes, “Day Shift” gets long in the fang when a down-and-dirty dynamo would have mercifully killed long lulls.

Provided you can push past any exhaustion, you’ll feel a rush of exhilaration when you hit the dizzying sprint toward the finish line.

There might have been an appetizing meal in here at one point, but the movie can’t quite figure out what it wants to put on the menu.

“Prey” roars much louder than its theatrical peers, and returns “Predator” to its roots with a crowd-pleasing concept that’s awesomely engaging.

“Gone in the Night” doubles as a description of what will assuredly happen when the film suddenly vanishes from streaming availability, and no one even notices.

Now their ugly Frankenstein experiment is lumbering out of a dinky DTV lab only to keel right over after taking its first faltering step.

It’s imitation beef between two bland buns of a nothingburger flippantly fried up so someone could pollute the DTV stream with more filmic flotsam.

“909 Experiment” illustrates the efforts of amateurs fumbling to find a film without having a roadmap to work with.

“The Collingswood Story” holds its own as a genuinely creepy, inventive indie from “found footage’s” heyday.

I’ll make another wager that you already have a fair idea how “She Will” will hit your head without even seeing a single frame of the film.

Joe Hill, Scott Derrickson, and C. Robert Cargill know their way around horror’s Big Top, and few creators can put together a more chilling circus than this one.

Even Minor League horror fans have taken too many trips to these basic ballparks, and taking another trot around their bland bases doesn’t offer enticing excitement at all.

Disposable DTV’ers like “H.P. Lovecraft’s Witch House” make this job a real chore sometimes, and this is definitely one of those times.

Considering the countless entertainment options sitting at anyone’s fingertips, to willfully choose one this woeful is dropping opportunity down a drain.

“Crimes of the Future” is not a movie that can be dissected within an hour or two, not with any expectation of finding everything lurking inside its torso.

By being somehow able to break all known laws of time and space, “Abandoned” wastes what feels like six hours even though it’s only 95 minutes long.

Whether you get anything more out of “Watcher” probably depends on whether you tend to be in the front or in the back when two strangers walk alone on a dark street.