Who knew the tantalizing prospect of Nic Cage carving his way through homicidal pizza mascots would prove to be so disappointingly dull?

On any other day, I’d review “Fear of Rain” unfavorably for being a “morning watch” movie you’d fully forget about by the afternoon. Not today though.

Whoever selects Barbara Crampton’s projects needs to turn down things like “Sacrifice,” a waterlogged thriller that’s as pedestrian as its recycled title.

Marshall and Kirk made a two-hour snoozer whose primary value is as a surefire solution for shooting your attention span to ribbons.

I imagine there was a river of drool in the theater row where A24 buyers sat during the film’s festival debut. “Holy sh*t! Did Rose Glass make this movie specifically for us?”

In keeping with ‘90s cinema references, “A Nightmare Wakes” is essentially a horror-tinged arthouse biopic by way of Merchant-Ivory on a budget.

Appreciators of smoldering suspense, indie aesthetics, and foreign flair will be pleasantly surprised at how much polish “The Funeral Home” puts on a traditional haunted house yarn.

Knocks at the door when no one is there can only take a horror movie so far, and that distance has difficulty covering “The Night’s” runtime.

“Psycho Goreman” is kind of a kooky kid flick for adults who fondly remember ‘The Neverending Story’ and want to see dark fantasy like that with the gnarliness ratcheted up to 11.

I preferred “Don’t Tell a Soul” when it was being a drama over when it was being a thriller. And I think its solution for a solution is more of a copout than a clever twist.

Tom Savini’s fire appears impossible to distinguish, and “Smoke and Mirrors” makes sure everyone can see how brightly that blaze burns.

It’s fluff you can watch on fast-forward and the only side effect is how much faster the film will evaporate from your memory.

Sometimes, one person’s impressively contemplative sci-fi is simply another person’s superficially padded speculative fiction.

You’ll certainly carry it with you in your mind’s eye. If not for the full movie, then for the vicious visuals of the finale.

Whether it was Max Landis’s doing or director Roseanne Liang’s, the film’s “women first and forward” attitude proves to be more fun than the few and far between action scenes.

The obvious question on everyone’s mind is, “What the hell is Bruce Willis doing in direct-to-streaming slums?”

There’s something cozily comforting about a workaholic woman reluctantly returning to her hometown, rekindling an old flame, and saving an artisanal cheese shop from foreclosure.

Man, Valter sure did draw the short straw among the four Skarsgard brothers who became actors, didn’t he?

While its contemporary relevance can be questioned, “Archenemy” at least has enough energy to be enjoyable, even if goofiness sometimes waters down grittiness.

“Songbird” is something of a cinematic cousin to that celebrity cover of ‘Imagine,’ i.e. perhaps good intentioned, but not exactly a powerhouse piece of well thought out entertainment.