Studio: Vantage Media
Director: Asif Akbar, Lance Kawas
Writer: Christopher Malone, James Tamburino, Alexander Nistratov
Producer: Bernard Salzman
Stars: Randy Couture, Tobin Bell, Richard Grieco, Juliana Destefano, Romeo Miller, Lindsey Pelas
Review Score:
Summary:
A grad student clashes with her grandmother over their native heritage as an evil spirit rises to avenge a terrible massacre.
Review:
I can probably imply a reasonable assessment of "Curse of the Clown Motel," previously known as just "Clown Motel" until somebody decided against confusing viewers by using the same title as several similar movies, without saying a single negative word about the film specifically. All anyone has to do is point out a few basics.
For instance, if someone were to simply identify an indie horror movie's top three stars as Randy Couture, Tobin Bell, and Richard Grieco, what might that tell you about the condition of the field we're playing on? What if someone added that one of the other main actors who has their own title card plays the prestigious part of an unnamed “Cocktail Waitress?” Where are we now? Fresh green grass in a state-of-the-art stadium or dinky dirt patch behind a DMV parking lot?
I know for some fans, Tobin Bell hasn't quite reached red flag status in the same way Malcolm McDowell, Lance Henriksen, Michael Madsen, et al. have when it comes to DTV horror. Yet even if those holdouts aren't ready to proceed with caution whenever Bell appears in something that isn't "Saw," they might have their predisposition colored by the knowledge that Bell isn't in "Curse of the Clown Motel" too much. Playing the part of a casually racist motel owner who has a habit of passive-aggressively saying "you people" whenever he speaks to his Native American cleaning woman, Tobin Bell stays seated for almost all but his final two minutes. It's a rote role any SAG day-player could have performed, and at no time does Bell ever appear as anything close to the clown-faced creep he's portrayed as on one of the posters.
Which leads to another exercise in creating a subjective review out of objective observations. The stage is set with a listing of who features in the film. Now I can continue forming an impression of "Curse of the Clown Motel" by noting what is NOT in the movie.
For one thing? Killer clowns. No, seriously. Not only does Tobin Bell never wear the makeup his face sports on the alternate cover art, there isn't a killer clown anywhere to be found in a fright film titled "Curse of the Clown Motel." Richard Grieco briefly, and bizarrely (an adjective appropriate for nearly everything he does on camera here), dances with a life-sized clown doll that pops up again later to stalk the protagonist for a few seconds. Other than that inexplicable inclusion, and a couple of cutaways to statues and wall decorations that might freak out a cowardly coulrophobe, clowns have nearly nothing to do with the story. Instead, the vengeful spirit of a Navajo warrior takes up a sword infused with supernatural lightning as the movie's main menace.
I haven't said much about "Curse of the Clown Motel," but what still needs to be said? I could ride a rollercoaster of Pros and Cons by citing surprisingly passable CGI effects for this level of low-budget, an equally surprising incorporation of timely themes involving native displacement, a plodding plot that vacillates between dull and duller, and some truly trivial side stories with a motley crew of supposed bankers celebrating a bachelor party, but then I wouldn't be sticking to my premise of not expressing a particular POV.
So how can I say something nice instead of not saying anything else at all? For reasons that should be obvious even with only a minor amount of information, I can't recommend "Curse of the Clown Motel." However, I can recommend a trip to the actual Clown Motel and its surrounding town of Tonopah, Nevada.
As part of a summertime road trip we took in 2023, my girlfriend surprised me by making Tonopah our final stop. She knew my love of horror as well as pop culture kitsch would put the infamous Clown Motel right up my alley. She also booked the "Halloween"-themed room in honor of my favorite fright film, because nothing says "home away from home" like a giant mural of Michael Myers murdering a nurse on the wall right next to your bed.
The Clown Motel was all well and good. I could go on about the charms of the room itself, the century-old cemetery next door, and the mini-museum of clown-related items, but the property has featured plenty in travel blogs, TV shows, and other places that can reveal more about it than makes sense to repeat here.
The real highlight is Tonopah itself. It's a bit of a trek to get to the opposite end of the main street on foot, but that's where we started our evening at Tonopah Brewing Co. I consider myself a connoisseur of craft beers, and I can honestly say that Tonopah Brewing had the best I tasted on that entire trip through Nevada, Utah, Idaho, and everywhere else we went. Their website tells me their brewmaster is named Edward Nash, although I think I remember him going by Ed. Over a whole lot of hugely enjoyable small talk, he served up generous samples of delicious beers. One that sticks out was called "Mounds of Love," which was made to taste like the eponymous candy bar, something I would never eat except in pastry stout form, which I took home in several cans despite not wanting to carry anything.
We could have stayed there longer, but after downing a bunch of mouth-watering BBQ cooked in their smoker, we headed to another bar nearby. It took a minute for the two locals who were already in there to warm up, but once they did, they were as friendly and as fun as the server who slung our drinks, the first round of which we enjoyed on an empty balcony overlooking a picturesque desert sunset.
After more chitchat and a few games of video poker, because gambling is legal in Tonopah, we worked our way to the next bar, whose name escapes me, but was evidently the preferred place for locals. Now off of work, the lovely lady who served our barbecue back at the brewery recognized us and invited my girlfriend and I to join the party for her daughter's 21st birthday. We were already playing cards with two girls beside us who had pulled out a deck to pass the time, so by now we were feeling like family with everyone in there.
This was another place we could have stayed longer, except we wanted to check out the main casino before it closed. Despite hustling over there, we were too late for table games, so we decided to call it a night and finally turn in at the Clown Motel. The great time had us so high on Cloud Nine, neither my girlfriend nor I have any recollection of the walk across the street back to our room. Maybe the booze is to blame for that missing memory. Or maybe it was the curse of the Clown Motel, and who knows what the supernatural spirits did while we were dead asleep under a painting of Pennywise?
From the cool places we went to the incredible people we met, Tonopah was everything anyone could want out of an overnight experience in a small town along a desert highway. I would go back there in a heartbeat, and would revisit the Clown Motel, too. This "Curse of the Clown Motel" movie though? Probably any "Clown Motel" movie for that matter? I'm sure you can figure out for yourself that no one needs to go there.
Review Score: 35
I can't recommend "Curse of the Clown Motel,” but I can recommend a trip to the actual Clown Motel and its surrounding town of Tonopah, Nevada.