“Haunt” reminds me of a Minor League rehab game for a ballplayer recovering from an injury in that it reads like Beck and Woods wrote it to shake off rust after a bout of writer’s block.

With cursory characterizations and a runtime that’s only 10 minutes over an hour, there isn’t enough depth in the details for the film to manufacture meaty intrigue.

I’d probably get more out of “The Whistler” on a second viewing, but the first screening doesn’t stoke enough of a fire to compel me to press Play again.

If you want to cut through the crap of critics who have odd axes to grind or vested interests in promoting the people involved, here’s an unbiased review from someone who has neither.

“Gags the Clown” offers an open-air trip around Green Bay that feels like a terrific nighttime tour highlighted by hit-or-miss humor and a boozy splash of horror.

Stakeholders discovered they were sitting on a bomb, but realized they had nowhere to safely explode it.

More time baking in the creative oven might have added fuller flavor. In its current form, “Itsy Bitsy” contentedly feels “good enough” to go to market with what it has.

Would you ever want to watch “Karma” a second time? Will you even remember you watched it a first time? The answer is of course, “no.”

Adrienne Barbeau likely filmed her sixty-second scene so quickly, her driver probably kept the car running the entire time.

While that makes for adequate entertainment in the interim, the franchise needs to consider creative course correction for a fresher future.

Whatever machetes were taken to screenplay drafts and final footage make mincemeat out of characters with absent introductions and relationships with no resonance.

If you have good humor when it comes to gore-coated goofs, you too will flip the film an upward thumb while the sour grapes crew bitterly erects a bunch of middle fingers.

The preferred way to look at “The Intruder” is as a Lifetime movie-of-the-week that happened to have a multimillion-dollar theatrical makeover.

Turns out “The Manson Family Massacre” isn’t as bad as I feared. It’s astonishingly worse than I possibly could have predicted.

“Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark” has enough gas in its tank to get across the finish line on the strength of its roster, raw material, and flourishes of creepy creativity.

Unoriginality makes the movie way late to a posthumous possession party already won decidedly by “The Autopsy of Jane Doe.”

“Lake Placid: Legacy” gets three stars out of five for being a-ok for this sort of thing, with “this sort of thing” being made-for-mediocrity cable TV creature claptrap.

While the comic book incarnation is an all-timer for its medium, this version is a middle-of-the-road movie as far as Batman’s cartoon capers go.

“Slender Man” builds itself like a toddler builds Mr. Potato Head, except with even less sense for anatomy or creativity.

I don’t think I’ve seen a microbudget movie use Spartan style for psychologically suggestive storytelling this well since Mike Flanagan’s “Absentia.”