THE REQUIN (2022)

Studio:     Saban Films
Director:    Le Van Kiet
Writer:     Le Van Kiet
Producer:  Aaron B. Koontz, Ashleigh Snead, Cameron Burns, Todd Lundbohm, Ellen Wander, Jordan Dykstra
Stars:     Alicia Silverstone, James Tupper, Deirdre O’Connell, Danny Chung, Jennifer Mudge

Review Score:

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Summary:

A vacationing couple becomes stranded in shark-infested waters after a violent storm carries their floating villa out to sea.

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Synopsis:     Show/Hide Spoilers

To recover from a traumatizing miscarriage, Jaelyn and her husband Kyle rent a floating water villa for a vacation in Vietnam. A violent storm sweeps the villa into the ocean during the night, stranding the couple in shark-infested waters.

Jaelyn and Kyle start a fire to attract attention from potential rescuers. However, the fire spirals out of control and burns down the bulk of the cabin, leaving the couple to float on small planks of wood. Jaelyn also fights off a small shark.

Jaelyn and Kyle eventually wash up on a small island, but Kyle dies in the process. Jaelyn fights off another small shark while making her way to the island’s beach.

Jaelyn joins a fisherman floating in a small raft nearby. The fisherman stitches Jaelyn’s wounds. A large shark attacks the raft and kills the fisherman. Jaelyn fights off the shark by using a small engine propeller. The shark nearly kills Jaelyn when she becomes submerged beneath the overturned raft, but it bites the raft’s anchor and dies. Jaelyn floats back to land.

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Review:

Other than a terrible title for a thriller, what exactly is a “requin?” The word refers to a type of shark, but after battling boredom with more ferocity than Alicia Silverstone battles said shark, I’m going to guess “The Requin” also means “NyQuil in film form” since it tastes awful and will put you to sleep. Let’s break down the film by the numbers to illustrate how tiresomely dull it really is.

0:00-3:00 – Opening credits. “The Requin” could have put these over the aimless B-roll used for establishing shots coming up, but instead sets the stage for stiffness by having us look at three minutes of names on dark backgrounds.

3:00-25:00 – Jaelyn (Silverstone) and her husband Kyle (James Tupper) vacation in Vietnam as a way of recovering from a traumatic miscarriage. I can’t imagine a reason why a husband would ever have to remind his wife of what happened by specifically saying, “You hemorrhaged and the baby didn’t have a heartbeat,” but horribly forced dialogue like that paints a picture of a broken woman rebuilding her life. So does a phone call with her mother. And a phone call with her sister. And a talk with Kyle. And more talking with Kyle. Random cutaways to marketplace melons and bland beach shots add nothing whatsoever, although they are in keeping with the idea of filling a first act with redundant exposition featuring zero action at all.

25:00-33:00 – Finally, something happens when a violent storm carries the couple’s floating water villa out into the ocean. You’d think “The Requin” might turn a corner here and pick up a livelier pace. Instead, it sinks right back into sleepiness with an extended game of “now what do we do for the next hour?” where sluggish scenes become stalling tactics as an impatient audience wonders, “Isn’t there supposed to a shark in this somewhere?”

33:00-48:00 – Kyle busts up his leg. Jaelyn recovers some water bottles. Then the two of them spend 15 minutes talking, arguing, reconciling, and failing to attract the attention of a helicopter in the distance. You know, exciting thriller stuff.

48:00-59:00 – In one of the dumbest moves imaginable, Jaelyn and Kyle start a fire so rescuers might be better able to spot them. Of course, those flames quickly spiral out of control and burn down the rest of their wrecked cabin. Now they’re left floating on a few stray planks. But at long last, here comes a shark! No, wait. That fin belongs to a dolphin, so this is just another 10-minute sequence full of false alarms and futzing.

59:00-1:01:00 – Remember, this movie’s whole hook is “Alicia Silverstone fights a shark” and only now, one hour into an 86-minute (without end credits) runtime, does that first fight take place. You see that mammoth monster that looks like Jaws on “The Requin’s” poster art? Yeah, that ain’t this. The shark Silverstone swats at is smaller than her, and she beats it back with a jagged piece of wood like an overreacting housewife shooing away a coyote that got into her trashcan.

1:01:00-1:06:00 – Much like an average viewer will want to do if they make it this far, Jaelyn and Kyle fall asleep. They float some more. Jaelyn dreams. Something bad happens to Kyle. Since I’ve no better place to mention this, much of the movie filmed at Universal Studios Orlando, a fact you’re reminded of every time a shot includes a painfully obvious green screen or cheap CGI effect, which is pretty much all the time.

1:06:00-1:12:00 – Jaelyn fights off another shark no bigger than a domesticated dog while beached on a small island. If it hasn’t happened already, by now you will have grown supremely annoyed with the high pitch of Silverstone’s excessively emoted cries, grunts, moans, and groans. You might even wish for Kyle’s fate, because lucky him doesn’t have to hear her nonstop noises anymore.

1:12:00-1:18:00 – Since “The Requin” put her back on land too early, Jaelyn returns to the water by joining a fisherman serendipitously sailing nearby in a tiny raft. For five monotonous minutes, the fisherman stitches Jaelyn’s wounds, offers her water, and starts a stopwatch on how long he has left to live since he’s obviously just a body to drop.

1:18:00-1:26:00 – Silverstone finally fights a substantial shark, which is something that should have happened at least 60 minutes sooner. Perhaps pressing the Stop button should have happened at least 60 minutes sooner too.

Review Score: 30

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