Studio: The Asylum
Director: Maximilian Elfeldt
Writer: Michael Varrati
Producer: David Michael Latt
Stars: Jake Herbert, Christine Prouty, India Davies, Ryan Woodcock, Michael Ironside, Stuart Packer
Review Score:
Summary:
The story of Dracula is re-imagined as a police procedural set in 1920s London.
Review:
Raise a sympathetic glass to the makers of mockbusters. Pandemic-induced problems created all kinds of headaches for major movies between 2020 and 2022, making release date roulette an unfun game regularly played by projects futilely fighting to commit to one spot on the calendar. But did any big Hollywood studio ever spare a single thought for the knock-on effect these constant changes had on rip-off releases whose success requires piggybacking on a blockbuster’s marketing? Oh sure, Sony can afford to push its “Morbius: The Living Vampire” Marvel movie back several months again and again and again. But what of poor folks like The Asylum, who finally said, “We can’t wait any longer,” and dumped “Dracula: The Original Living Vampire” directly to streaming despite “Morbius” moving away once again? Won’t somebody think of The Asylum?!?
Years ago, a filmmaking friend told me the not-so-secret formula he regularly encountered while shopping his indie to buyers at international film markets. Companies at that low-budget level usually only asked three questions about possible pickups, and they’d even buy a feature sight unseen if your three answers told them what they wanted to hear. Just for fun, since “Dracula: The Original Living Vampire” offers none of its own, let’s see how well it meets that trio of common criteria.
1. Stars. The first thing any buyer wants to know about a movie is, who is in it? Are there any celebrity names they can hang a hook on? Michael Ironside will forever be a fan-favorite actor among nostalgic genre fans, but he can’t move a movie on his own. And other than Ironside, “Dracula” doesn’t feature anybody that anyone has heard of, or ever will. The guy playing Dracula really is just some guy. He has no prior acting credits or even a headshot on IMDb. His appearance and presence are so nondescript, there’s a chance you might confuse him for a new person every time he reappears onscreen because you’ll keep forgetting what he looks like as soon as he is gone.
2. Sex. Is there any nudity? “Dracula” shoves in not one, but two narratively unnecessary sex scenes, with one semi-long Cinemax softcore sequence opening the film and a second scene between two girlfriends popping up later on. Whenever dead women are examined in the morgue, cover sheets are always turned down to expose their breasts too, ensuring “Dracula” ticks the T half of the T&A box, if nothing else. And there really is nothing else.
3. Violence. How much action are we in for? In “Dracula’s” case, nearly none. It’s almost entirely made up of talking, talking and, you guessed it, more talking.
“Dracula: The Original Living Vampire” re-imagines Bram Stoker’s oft-told tale as a police procedural, which might sound kind of creative in theory, but is dull as dirt in actuality. Forgetting it’s a motion picture that can show as well as tell, “Dracula” mostly just tells, consequently becoming burdened with enough empty-calorie chitchat to rival a full week’s worth of “The View.” After a while, I stopped blaming stiltedness solely on sleepy acting and instead assigned a significant slice of boredom’s blame on a script where everyone only speaks in exposition.
Turning “Dracula” into a murder mystery turns out to be a terrible take on the material because the only person in the dark about the killer’s identity is Amelia Van Helsing, the detective investigating a series of serial killings in 1920s London, or Serbia, I’m not entirely sure where things are supposed to be set. Her chemist friend Jonathan Harker suggests a vampire could be the culprit early on, but Amelia doesn’t want to hear any of his superstitious stories about Nosferatu. Captain Renfield connects the case to more murders from 100 years ago, but Amelia can’t be bothered with that theory either. You’d think she’d come around when forensic examiner Jack Seward finds evidence of bats in a blood sample, but Amelia still refuses to accept the obvious. On and on go endless arguments about whether or not a bloodsucker might be responsible, resulting in a main character who looks like the dimmest dunce imaginable because she’s constantly fighting a fact that the audience knows to be true before pressing Play.
“Dracula” as a straight whodunit makes no sense. At exactly the one-hour mark, Amelia and Jonathan finally finger Count Dracula as a vampire and an accompanying music sting hilariously bellows a loud “dun!” like it’s a surprise reveal or something.
Cinematography seems decent enough, except “Dracula” still looks like a syndicated TV movie circa 1994 mixed with one of Full Moon’s Romanian-lensed efforts from the same era. Prop wine bears the bright red color of Kool-Aid. Nearly nonstop music overdramatizes ordinary onscreen activities that are devoid of drama to begin with. Then there’s some awful editing, such as a scene where Amelia’s introduction to Dracula gets quizzically interrupted by a cutaway of Jonathan staring into a microscope, then we’re suddenly back to conclude Amelia’s meet-cute with The Count. “Dracula” evidently only filmed on one or two sets too, maybe even one stage redressed as different interiors while computer-rendered establishing shots supply scene changes, furthering the feel of everything being very small and very cheap.
“Dracula: The Original Living Vampire’s” blandness grew so interminable that I almost turned it off even when there were only ten minutes left. Realistically speaking though, what else should anyone expect of a “Morbius” mockbuster made by the same people who produced “Transmorphers” and “The Day the Earth Stopped?” It would almost be disappointing if “Dracula: The Original Living Vampire” didn’t fulfill predictions of being a totally terrible way to spend 90 miserable minutes.
Review Score: 25
It is moderately compelling in the moment, but it has a hard time holding up to even cursory scrutiny as far as believable “found footage” concepts go.