READY OR NOT (2019)

Studio:      Fox Searchlight
Director:    Matt Bettinelli-Olpen, Tyler Gillett
Writer:      Guy Busick, R. Christopher Murphy
Producer:  Tripp Vinson, James Vanderbilt, William Sherak, Bradley J. Fischer
Stars:     Samara Weaving, Adam Brody, Mark O’Brien, Henry Czerny, Andie MacDowell, Melanie Scrofano, Kristian Bruun, Elyse Levesque, Nicky Guadagni, John Ralston

Review Score:

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Summary:

A newlywed bride discovers her wealthy in-laws’ sinister secret when they force her to play a deadly game of Hide and Seek.

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Synopsis:     Show/Hide Spoilers

As a child, Daniel Le Domas hides his brother Alex before helping their wealthy family hunt Aunt Helene’s new husband Charles during a deadly game of Hide and Seek inside the family mansion. Masked family members fire arrows into Charles before dragging him away while Helene cries. Alex and Daniel’s mother Becky expresses her pride in Daniel.

30 Years Later – Despite his disapproving family’s concern that he is marrying beneath him, Alex weds his new wife Grace at the Le Domas estate. After the ceremony, Alex reveals that tradition requires Grace to play a randomly selected game before she can officially become a family member. Alex privately assures his father Tony that he is ready to do what is necessary if Grace pulls a particular card.

Alex and Grace, Tony and Becky, Daniel and his icy wife Charity, Alex’s flighty sister Emilie and her husband Fitch Bradley, and Aunt Helene assemble at midnight. Tony recounts the family’s history for Grace. Tony explains that his great-grandfather Victor Le Domas met wealthy benefactor Mr. Le Bail, a collector of unusual antiquities, while Victor was a merchant seaman. Victor won a wager by solving a mysterious puzzle box. In return, Mr. Le Bail financed Victor’s playing card manufacturing business that grew into the family’s game company dynasty. Tony leaves out that Victor made a satanic pact with Mr. Le Bail that requires sacrifices to maintain the family’s prosperity.

Per tradition, whenever someone joins the family through marriage, a blank playing card is placed inside the puzzle box. The new initiate then draws the card to reveal which game Mr. Le Bail “selected” to play.

The family reacts strangely when Grace draws Hide and Seek as her game. While Grace hides, Tony gives a weapon to each family member. Tony later reminds everyone that if they don’t find, capture, and sacrifice Grace before dawn, they will all die.

Unable to go through with her ritualistic murder, Alex finds Grace and hides with her. Grace spies Emilie mistakenly shooting one of the maids. Alex explains to Grace that his family thinks they have to kill Grace before sunrise because it is one of the rules established by Mr. Le Bail. Alex insists he didn’t believe Grace would be unlucky enough to draw the Hide and Seek card. Alex instructs Grace to run while he goes to the surveillance suite to unlock the mansion’s electronic doors.

Daniel finds Grace in the study. Because he doesn’t want to kill her, Daniel gives Grace a 10-second head start before alerting his family. Letting Grace get away causes a contentious argument between Daniel and his wife, because Charity is more invested in the family’s ritual than he is. Emilie accidentally kills another maid with a misfired crossbow.

Grace battles the family’s butler Stevens in the kitchen. Grace gets away by smashing a boiling teapot in Stevens’ face.

Grace finds a third maid hiding in a dumbwaiter. The maid tries calling the family, but dies when the dumbwaiter beheads her.

Alex sabotages the mansion’s surveillance system. However, Tony captures Alex and handcuffs him to a bed. Helene admonishes Tony for allowing Alex to lose his way by moving away from the family instead of facing who he truly is. Helene insists Alex is meant to lead their family because he is the only person who has seen Mr. Le Bail appear in his designated dining room chair.

Grace escapes outside. Emilie and Fitch’s young son Georgie finds Grace in a barn used for penning sacrificial goats. Georgie shoots Grace through her hand. Grace punches the boy unconscious before she falls into a corpse pit.

Grace continues fleeing across the property. Stevens chases down Grace and eventually captures her. Grace causes Stevens to crash his car before he can deliver her back to the mansion.

Daniel finds Grace. Despite Grace’s pleading that he isn’t as callous as the rest of his family, Daniel refuses to rescue Grace and knocks her unconscious.

Becky tries telling Alex that she regrets what has to happen to his wife, but reminds him they have to protect the family. Alex warns he will kill Becky if Grace dies. Becky dismisses Alex’s threat by insisting she knows her son better than Grace does.

Grace recovers to find herself tied to a pentagram-shaped table. Wearing robes, the family performs a satanic ritual around her. Before Tony can drive a knife into Grace, the family members begin coughing up blood. Daniel reveals he poisoned the ceremonial wine as he unties Grace.

Grace tells Daniel she knew he would save her, even though Daniel insists his change of heart was not immediate. Charity shoots Daniel in his neck. Grace flees.

Grace gets past Tony by beating him unconscious. An overturned lantern starts a fire.

Becky attacks Grace. Grace viciously beats Becky to death with Mr. Le Bail’s puzzle box.

After breaking free from his handcuffs, Alex finds Grace. When Grace recoils from him, Alex regrettably realizes their relationship is over. Alex recaptures Grace and calls for the others. The family holds down Grace while Alex prepares to deliver the killing blow, but Grace wrestles free.

The sun rises. Helene, Fitch, Charity, Emilie, Georgie, Georgie’s little brother Gabe, and Tony suddenly explode one at a time. Grace tells off Alex and throws her wedding ring at him just before he bloodily bursts all over her.

Grace goes outside and smokes a cigarette as the mansion burns behind her. Authorities begin arriving at the scene.

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Review:

When Grace gets an “are you sure you want to do this?” right before she and Alex exchange vows, she assumes her husband-to-be simply has a common case of temporary cold feet. What she doesn’t yet know, but will retroactively realize before their wedding night concludes, is Alex actually just gave Grace one last chance to sidestep a terrible trap of slaughter potentially headed her way.

Alex belongs to the uber-wealthy Le Domas dynasty, whose family fortune had its humble beginnings in a playing card company. Patriarch Tony explains his great-grandfather made a deal with a bizarre benefactor, Mr. Le Bail, who funded the endeavor that eventually turned into a gaming empire. The catch? Tradition demands that each new family member play a random game supposedly selected by Mr. Le Bail’s spirit via an antique puzzle box.

Tony leaves out one important stipulation by neglecting to tell Grace there is one game card she definitely does not want to get. Wary of scaring off his new bride, Alex decides it’s better to play the odds by not telling her the total truth about that particular card either. Naturally, Grace pulls it. Too bad for her, Hide and Seek will be Grace’s game. While the bride hides, Alex grimaces, and Tony begins handing out weapons for the deadly hunt ahead.

All signs pointed to me enjoying “Ready or Not.” Social circles in the online horror community certainly suggested as much. Many people placed “Ready or Not” on their ‘Best of the Year’ lists while numerous others made “hilarious” a dominant adjective for describing the film.

Every name attached to the movie additionally assured “Ready or Not” would be up my alley. Even when my reception to their projects has been lukewarm or cooler, the Radio Silence filmmaking collective nevertheless intrigues me with their unusual output. Samara Weaving’s already blinding star hasn’t even risen half as high as it’s destined to. Kristian Bruun, who plays douchey brother-in-law Fitch, stole every other scene as standout supporting dork Donny in “Orphan Black.” John Ralston, who features as the family’s butler, made for a memorable mayor and delightfully dickish father on “Degrassi.” Adam Brody. Andie MacDowell. I love all of these people.

The stacked cast alone made my piqued interest the rest of the movie’s to lose. And lose my interest it unfortunately did.

I don’t know whether to cynically chuckle or pityingly cry at claims that “Ready or Not” is fresh, original, or witty, all of which are accolades I’ve seen used despite a dearth of empirical evidence. Did everyone collectively forget that “You’re Next” (review here) follows a parallel premise where a resilient heroine battles back against attackers all over a mansion? Does no one else remember “Would You Rather” (review here), where a wealthy man’s dinner party turns deadly after he forces guests to play dangerous games?

“Ready or Not” isn’t even the first film to feature Samara Weaving comically carving her way through blood-spattered carnage. Joe Lynch already gave us that with “Mayhem” (review here). Hell, “Ready or Not” isn’t even the only darkly humorous horror movie of 2019 to have a kooky cult create chaos while chasing down someone snarky to be sacrificed. Chelsea Stardust’s “Satanic Panic” (review here) already did that too.

By virtue of its plot point hodgepodge, “Ready or Not” becomes a redundant redux of ideas that have previously been brought to life in more biting, full bore presentations. “Ready or Not” plays safer versions of identical games to stay scandalously tame by comparison.

Doing things that have been done before doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. Horror movies in particular do it all the time and still find success. Whether it’s uncreative kills, cursory characterizations, or totally telegraphed beats, “Ready or Not’s” real issue is that it doesn’t put any inventive spins on standard setups.

Talented actors can only do so much when expressive individuality comes down to one stereotypical trait per person. Scatterbrained sister Emilie has more cocaine outside her nostrils than in them. Icy sister-in-law Charity snootily sips wine while emasculating her husband. Even Grace gets no more flesh on her backstory bones than a basic bit about being from the wrong side of the tracks, triggering brief bonding with Alex’s mother before Grace subsequently becomes a mere agent of action.

How much more development should anyone have had? Enough to not feel like machine made, perforated pages torn from a standard ‘Snobby Rich People Playing the Most Dangerous Game’ textbook. In Weaving’s case, her natural charisma takes up some of that slack. But hoity-toity becomes ho-hum in the case of everyone else embodying a cliché.

I went back through the film trying to find the supposed hilarity others claim is abundant. Maybe I happened to pause at poor points, but I don’t see what’s laugh out loud hysterical about a running gag where the sister accidentally kills multiple maids, a particular dead servant gets repeatedly referenced as everyone’s favorite, or Alex’s brother tires of flipping a coin to decide what end of a body he carries. Some jokes pass as flighty diversions. As sharply rich comedy? Come on.

“Ready or Not’s” amazing location and spectacular cinematography give the movie a great look. A gruesomely gooey, savagely satisfying climax goes over like gangbusters too. If only the preceding 80 minutes dared to be as bonkers instead of palely echoing more satirically savvy takes on similar material, “Ready or Not” could have vaulted past “okay, if inessential.” As is, “Ready or Not” may be mistaken for a future cult classic when relatively few will continue talking about it down the line.

Review Score: 55

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