MANEATER (2022)

Studio:     Saban Films
Director:    Justin Lee
Writer:     Justin Lee
Producer:  Daemon Hillin
Stars:     Nicky Whelan, Trace Adkins, Jeff Fahey, Shane West, Porscha Coleman, Branscombe Richmond, Zoe Cipres

Review Score:

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Summary:

A grieving father hunts a great white shark that is inexplicably hunting tourists stranded on an isolated Hawaiian island.

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Synopsis:     Show/Hide Spoilers

One week after his daughter Jennifer is unexpectedly killed by a great white shark while surfing, Harlan Burke angrily confronts Sheriff Kula over local authorities not doing anything about destroying the deadly animal. Frustrated, Harlan seeks insight from Professor Sam Hoffman, who is stunned to learn this shark uncharacteristically appears to be hunting humans for sport. Despite Sheriff Kula and Deputy Roarke’s attempts to deter him, Harlan sets out on his boat to hunt the shark himself.

To help her heal from the heartbreak of a broken engagement, Sunny, Will Coulter, Brianna Moore, Emma Stoudamire, and Ty Burrel take their friend Jessie Quilan on a holiday in Hawaii. Captain Wally escorts the six friends to a private island, but he remains on his boat in the water with his wife Beth.

The shark kills Wally and Beth at their boat. The shark then kills Emma and Ty as they skinny-dip in a secluded cove.

Jessie, Will, Sunny, and Brianna become concerned when Wally’s radio washes ashore. Will rows a raft back to the boat to look for Wally and Beth. Jessie and Sunny search the cove and discover Ty’s dead body.

After finding Wally’s boat empty, Will begins rowing back to the beach. The shark attacks Will’s raft. Jessie, Sunny, and Brianna attempt to pull Will out of the water. The shark kills Will, Sunny, and Brianna, leaving Jessie as the sole survivor.

Harlan responds to Jessie’s distress call over the radio. Jessie fires flares so Harlan can find her. With both of them wanting revenge for the deaths the creature caused, they plot to hunt the shark together. Jessie acts as bait to lure the shark toward Harlan’s boat. Harlan repeatedly shoots the shark with a shotgun until it sinks deep into the ocean.

Jessie recovers. Some time later, Professor Hoffman introduces Harlan to Peter, a grieving man who wants Harlan’s help hunting a shark causing similar problems on an island in southeast Asia.

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Review:

It is my sincere hope that regular readers of my reviews not only become better informed about individual movies, but that they maybe gain some measure of insight to make them more knowledgeable about how bad movies get made and how to identify them early. One lesson repeatedly landing at the top of the syllabus in my crash course on foolhardy filmmaking is that when a movie credits 32 people in some capacity as a producer, and goes through 12 different production companies for financing and distribution, it’s a sure bet that too many unnecessary cooks cluttering a white-walled kitchen will boil a plain pot of plop even Chef Boyardee wouldn’t deem fit to put in a can. Without further ado, I present “Maneater.”

If you ever find yourself working on a feature film that already has five associate producers, a vanilla producer, a Maui producer, two co-producers, two co-executive producers, and 21 executive producers, it can’t hurt to ask if you can get a similar credit too. Maybe you’ll have to make a phone call to a prop house or print paperwork one time. But that should be enough effort to qualify since they seemingly give out producer titles like free candy on Halloween, so why not try?

And if that feature also happens to be the umpteenth shark movie made in just that year alone, you might also ask the creators, why would anybody choose to watch this one over the hundreds of others that are already out there? Given the glut, “dime a dozen” overvalues the worth of shark thrillers by about nine cents. So what’s the hook setting this fish apart from the massive school drowning in a bottomless ocean of flotsam?

For instance, even though “The Requin” (review here) is another disposable killer shark flick from 2022, it’s simple to see why it got a green light. “The Requin” stars Alicia Silverstone. Her name is notable enough to attract eyes. Regardless of the fact that it follows the same generic formula “Maneater” uses to chart a separate course into virtually assured obscurity, “The Requin” features someone that some people actually want to see.

In contrast, “Maneater” features actors best described as “I think maybe I’ve seen that guy/girl somewhere before? I don’t know, I’m not really sure.” Okay, fine. So no one is watching this film for its cast. Then what else does “Maneater” offer?

The Asylum entered 2022’s stupid shark lark sweepstakes with “Shark Side of the Moon” (review here). It’s as dumb as the title, but “Shark Side of the Moon” at least aims for insanity with a plot where sentient sharks engineered in a Russian lab colonize a moonbase like they’re a new faction of Flash Gordon villains vying for territory on planet Mongo.

What’s “Maneater’s” totally tame storyline? A great white kills a man’s surfer daughter. Local authorities shrug their shoulders, so it’s up to this grieving father to turn into a grizzled Travel Channel personality by hunting the shark for revenge. Meanwhile, shark movies need bodies for bait, and that fodder arrives in the form of five ethnically diverse, traditionally attractive, physically fit headshots who are on a Hawaiian holiday to help a heartbroken sixth friend. We know she’s heartbroken because she solemnly stares at a diamond ring being fiddled in her fingers, just as vacationing tourists often do when sipping pina coladas at a beach bar. Like, why would she even bring her ring along in the first place?

“Maneater” commits high crimes against meaningful movie conversations by being interminably heavy on dull dialogue. While the shark hunter goes off to learn about aquatic animal behavior from Jeff Fahey’s college class on the topic, a boat captain and his wife join the six friends in endless musing about lost loves and romantic relationships, usually with acoustic guitar accompaniments like these scenes are supposed to be thoughtful “Gilmore Girls” teaching moments. “Maneater” meanders well past the point of fleshing out everyone with backstories and over the border into full-on “where’s the shark already?” boredom.

So why would anyone produce a generic shark movie with no celebrities, no originality, no excitement, and a sense of staging and editing that puts it on par with an average rerun of “Baywatch?” For the perks, of course. Oh, not for the audience. Perks for themselves. 32 people get producer credits. A camera crew gets to snorkel underwater. And while VFX artists churn out cheap CGI inside an office building in Burbank, cast and crew get to enjoy an island resort getaway for 10 days at someone else’s expense. Whose expense exactly? The viewers, because they get nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Review Score: 20

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