KRAMPUS 2: THE DEVIL RETURNS (2016)

Studio:       ITN Distribution
Director:    Jason Hull
Writer:       Jason Hull, A.J. Leslie
Producer:  A.J. Leslie, Darin Foltz
Stars:     Rich Goteri, R.A. Mihailoff, A.J. Leslie, Mike Mili, Tiffani Fest, Paul Ferm, Darin Foltz, Melantha Blackthorne, Ben Berlin

Review Score:

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Summary:

Five years after his daughter’s disappearance, Detective Duffin returns to stop Krampus and Santa from abducting more children.

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Synopsis:     Show/Hide Spoilers

Krampus attacks schoolkids Josh and Andy as they vandalize a derelict home. Elsewhere, young Donnie Baker angrily pulls Santa’s beard while sitting on his lap.

Police officers Dave Kane and Paul Sharp go to see detective Jeremy Duffin, now living as a recluse in a cabin guarded by his friend Monk, to get his help hunting Krampus, who has returned to abduct more children in the area.

Krampus abducts Donnie Baker from his home. Donnie’s mother Amy frantically seeks help.

The cops from the cabin go to the station and discuss the case with Captain Gil Farabee and former bartender Harry. Gil introduces Jeremy to Lori Taylor from Buffalo PD, whose child was also abducted. Everyone is called to the Baker house.

Santa comes to Krampus’ lair and torments the captive children. Krampus whips Donnie to death.

While searching for Krampus, Jeremy finds one of his daughter’s belongings, indicating Heather Duffin may still be alive.

Brian Hatt’s brother Stuart learns that Jeremy Duffin has returned. Stuart dispatches his girlfriend Natasha and henchmen T.J. and Trevor to find Jeremy so that he can avenge his brother’s death.

All of the cops meet at Harry’s old bar to discuss the case. Stuart’s thug trio arrives. T.J. flees while Trevor is arrested. Lori notices Natasha staking out the scene from a distance. Lori follows Natasha and ends up captured.

Jeremy and Monk search Trevor’s car and discover Stuart instructed everyone to rendezvous at the Kelly house. Jeremy calls Gil to meet him and Monk there.

Natasha brings Lori to Stuart. Stuart shoots T.J. in the head for failing to capture Jeremy.

Jeremy finds the abducted children in Krampus’ hidden lair at the Kelly house. Krampus kills Monk and captures Jeremy.

While unconscious, Jeremy dreams of having sex with a masked woman in a blood ritual overseen by Santa and Krampus. When he wakes, Natasha and Stuart hold him prisoner alongside Lori.

Gil, Harry, Paul, and Dave surround the Kelly house. Natasha shoots Paul and Gil. Lori gets loose. She and Natasha shoot each other. Stuart’s henchman shoots Harry. Dave shoots the henchman. Stuart snaps Dave’s neck, at which point Krampus enters and attacks Stuart.

Santa arrives and tells Jeremy he is being punished for killing Santa’s daughter Julie. Santa also tells Jeremy that the woman he impregnated in the blood ritual he thought was a dream was actually his daughter Heather, who is now part of their coven.

Jeremy gets free. He tries to shoot Santa and then himself, but his shotgun is out of shells. Santa tells Jeremy he will see him very soon before walking off with his brother Krampus.

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Review:

Pity any poor person who mistakes “Krampus 2: The Devil Returns” for a sequel to Michael Dougherty’s big-budget “Krampus” starring Adam Scott (review here).  That misleading “2” in the title no doubt counts on accidental purchases to pad profits.  And those unfortunate souls going in with expectations of entertainment have no idea what dire disappointment is in store.

Those of us aware that “Krampus 2: The Devil Returns” is actually a sequel to “Krampus: The Christmas Devil,” or worse, sat through the entirety of that low-rated DTV disaster (review here), know too well what terrible experience lies within.  In which case, we’ve only ourselves to blame for the self-inflicted punishment of willingly walking into the follow-up anyway.

For the fortunate ones unfamiliar with how amateurishly awful this particular duology is, let’s put it this way: Even if you dug a deep hole to bury your standards, you’d resurface on the other side of the planet and still not have gone far enough to accommodate these two movies.

“Krampus 2: The Devil Returns” arrives three years after “Krampus: The Christmas Devil,” and takes place five years later in the storyline, yet looks like it was shot five minutes after the first film wrapped since there is no discernible improvement in acting, technical quality, or anything at all really.  Five different cinematographers end up in the end credits, probably because the production just tapped whoever had enough battery left on his cellphone’s camera to take the baton of D.P. duties.

I have next to no desire to discuss the movie at all.  To buff up the word count to a full-length review, I’ll pull some tidbits off the internet and comment on those instead.

39 people contributed $3,537 to a crowdfunding campaign on Fanbacked.  $71,463 more and “Krampus 2” would have reached its goal.

Not sure why they needed the money because the estimated budget on IMDb is $1,200,000.  Whoever put up that unlikely amount of cash better demand receipts for where $1,199,475 of that went, because it certainly isn’t on the screen.

“Krampus 2: The Devil Returns” was nominated in nine categories, winning three awards including Best Feature and Best Director, at something called the FANtastic Horror Film Festival in San Diego.  Congratulations on your wins “Krampus 2!”  You’ve killed any shot at credibility the FANtastic Film Fest ever hoped to have!

This holiday season, I’m thankful for running out of room in my review of “Krampus: The Christmas Devil” to christen it the worst holiday horror movie I had ever seen, because this film easily earns that title.  Astoundingly, “Krampus 2: The Devil Returns” finds a way to sink even lower than its predecessor thanks to the tone deaf tastelessness of Santa Claus photographing bound children before they are flogged to death by Krampus, as well as a lazy shock “twist” involving incestual rape to tie the two films together.

The movie’s biggest middle finger is directed at the collective industry of indie film itself.  Never mind for a moment that viewers are attracted through questionable means of coattailing a Hollywood production.  “Krampus” knockoffs nevertheless have people ready to pay attention, which is a golden opportunity for awareness many struggling writers, directors, and actors would murder their mothers to have.  Yet these filmmakers squander their open avenue of access to an audience by selling themselves as couldn’t-care-less purveyors of crap growing progressively more unwatchable.

There is no convincing me that anyone involved behind the scenes put heart into making something “good,” or even “good enough.”  Performances are on par with an elementary school recital, except even less entertaining.  The Krampus creature looks like an emaciated Sweetums from “The Muppets” after being disfigured in a fire.  Nowhere is there a sincere sign of commitment.

After my wretched viewing of “Krampus: The Christmas Devil,” I didn’t expect anything good to come from watching the sequel.  In that one regard, “Krampus 2: The Devil Returns” does not disappoint.

I’ll accept any accusation that I should have known better.  Fool me once, fool me twice, and all that.  Double dipping is my fault.  Should there be a third entry in this insufferable series, may Krampus help me if I feel like making the same mistake thrice.  Until then, forget lumps of coal.  Anyone on your naughty list should be forced to watch this execrable excuse for a movie.

Review Score:  0

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