Studio: New Line Cinema
Director: Jim Isaac
Writer: Todd Farmer
Producer: Noel Cunningham
Stars: Lexa Doig, Lisa Ryder, Chuck Campbell, Jonathan Potts, Peter Mensah, Melyssa Ade, Melody Johnson, Phillip Williams, Derwin Jordan, Dov Tiefenbach, Kane Hodder
Review Score:
Summary:
In the year 2455, a team of soldiers and student researchers inadvertently reanimates Jason Voorhees aboard a spaceship.
Review:
Hindsight has a way of making some bad movies seem better in retrospect than they were regarded at the time. It can also offer evidence for “I told you so” arguments against a film’s determined defenders, empirically suggesting initial assumptions about terribleness were correct. “Jason X” provides proof of the latter.
Consider that “Jason X” didn’t make a star out of anyone on either side of its camera. If you wanted to argue its acting is awful, for instance, you would be backed up by asking a fan to spontaneously name someone in the cast who isn’t Kane Hodder. If s/he somehow did remember a name, you could follow up with a “whatever happened to” question about featured players like Melyssa Ade, Melody Johnson, Derwin Jordan, or Dov Tiefenbach. Even director Jim Isaac went on to helm only two more features, “Skinwalkers” and “Pig Hunt,” before his death in 2012. It would be fair to surmise “Jason X” didn’t exactly inspire Hollywood to eagerly book talent involved with the film, and that only happens with big studio flops.
(As an aside about the actors, Lexa Doig looks and moves so much like Olivia Munn in “Jason X,” there were moments where I almost believed it was Munn onscreen.)
“Jason X” was behind the eight ball to begin with. Taking Jason Voorhees out of his element, which is slaughtering sex-crazy teens at Camp Crystal Lake, to fling him five centuries into the future is a particularly dopey idea for this specific series. Sending slashers to outer space is the kind of creative surrender formerly reserved for theatrical horror franchises that were already downgrading into DTV debuts. “Hellraiser” did it to Pinhead with “Bloodline” in 1996 and never saw the light of a multiplex projector again. “Leprechaun” followed suit by putting its titular terror into orbit around the same time, although those sequels didn’t take themselves seriously anyway. “Jason X” wasn’t just following a beaten path that had already found two dead ends, it was doing so half a decade too late.
On the other hand, “Friday the 13th” already had nine movies to its name. Although “Jason Goes to Hell” tried something unconventional, the recycled routine of sex, violence, repeat had admittedly outlived its sell-by date. I therefore tip my cap to screenwriter Todd Farmer and the producers for daring to go all in on the idea that they might get away with something so bizarrely batty. They didn’t, but taking a creative risk and failing is preferable to playing it safe on another humdrum hack-and-slash and settling for a C+ grade.
Depending on whether you go by “Friday the 13th VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan” (review here) or “Jason Goes to Hell” (review here), Jason Voorhees was last seen either reverted into a child covered in New York City sewer slime or a supernatural slug pulled underground by Freddy Krueger. You know what, details don’t matter. Where the story goes doesn’t make much sense. Why should the fiction be concerned with where it came from?
“Jason X” says “to Hell with continuity” and simply starts with Jason oddly intact in his familiar form. Well, sort of familiar. In one of countless unjustified creative decisions, Kane Hodder is costumed to play Jason as wide as he is tall. Outfitted in a weirdo wig, knockoff mask, and thrift store clothes, this Jason wouldn’t win an honorable mention at a cosplay convention. Yet somehow his bulky look earned someone’s seal of approval, so we’re stuck with ‘Halloween costume Jason’ until his ‘Uber’ upgrade in the last act.
Through some yada yada that isn’t important since the plot purely sets up circumstances for characters to be killed, Jason gets the Walt Disney treatment and ends up aboard a spaceship in the year 2455. This ship carries a professor and his science students, but also a team of military grunts who give Jason moderately more resistance than an average camp counselor.
Todd Farmer’s script never takes its tongue out of its cheek. Trouble is, Jim Isaac’s dull directing steers clear of embracing any self-aware stylishness, leaving “Jason X” to play like it *is* the joke rather than being in on one.
Infrequently, some gags are good. Peter Mensah plays a hard-as-nails soldier who defiantly proclaims, “it’s gonna take more than a poke in the ribs to put down this old dog” as he begins dying from a spike through his stomach. Jason promptly puts a second spike next to the first one. Mensah expertly times his clenched teeth follow-up, “yeah, that oughtta do it.”
By the way, Mensah’s Sgt. Brodski may be the biggest badass to ever take Jason head-on. In a movie full of dim inclusions, Mensah becomes a bright spot “Jason X” sorely needs more of.
Most jokes are dead on arrival. “You wish” is the witty retort provided when someone snipes, “screw you.” Keeping with that theme, someone else tries a Schwarzenegger by quipping, “he’s screwed” in reference to a soldier impaled on a giant drill bit. Cleverness can’t come into the equation with lines like these.
What’s worse is Isaac’s aforementioned directing becoming complacent with stale staging and indifferent dialogue deliveries. Coming from a special effects background, Isaac doesn’t have the skills for tuning actors or setting scenes to bring out the punchiness Farmer’s script seemingly aches to have. Comedy subsequently doesn’t land while the entire film comes off as straightforwardly flat.
With more theatrical quality production design too, better direction could have put more personality into the same screenplay using the same cast. Given its lark-like tone, “Jason X” just doesn’t feel like a “Friday the 13th” movie, or even like a feature film at all.
As though John Ritter got ahold of a magical remote control, “Jason X” instead feels like a stuntman slasher was let loose on an old episode of “Andromeda.” 1990s TV-quality FX look like they were rendered on one of “Babylon 5’s” leftover Amiga computers. Supposedly spacious locations are clearly tight soundstages, artificially dressed like only a set decorator would do.
Anyone keen on sparking bullet squibs and high body counts at least gets a great deal of noise. But many kills either occur offscreen or are of the plain machete slash variety. Put Harry Manfredini’s sleepy score on top of everyone else’s average efforts and you’re looking at a syndicated sci-fi TV episode impersonating a horror movie from a once venerable franchise.
Like “The Phantom Menace” and “Attack of the Clones” do in disputes over the most disappointing “Star Wars” prequel, “Jason X” can flip a coin with “A New Beginning” to see who wears the crown for worst “Friday the 13th” sequel. Personally speaking, “A New Beginning” (review here) probably beats “Jason X” for that dubious distinction, but “Jason X” doesn’t miss by much.
Review Score: 45
Friday the 13th (2009) Review
At least the movie only runs 70 minutes, though I suppose that extra 10 technically disqualifies it from being a literal amateur hour.