DEEP MURDER (2018)

Studio:      Screen Media
Director:    Nick Corirossi
Writer:      Quinn Beswick, Josh Margolin, Benjamin Smollen, Nikolai Von Keller
Producer:  Eric B. Fleischman, Andrew Swett, Jesse Berger, Brent C. Johnson, Drew Foster, Patrick McErlean
Stars:     Quinn Beswick, Katie Aselton, Jessica Parker Kennedy, Chris Redd, Josh Margolin, Stephanie Drake, Jerry O’Connell, Christopher McDonald

Review Score:

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Summary:

Characters inside a softcore porn movie must uncover the identity of a masked killer murdering them one at a time.

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Synopsis:     Show/Hide Spoilers

While her husband Richard conducts business over the phone downstairs, Babs Dangler carries on a sexual affair with Richard’s younger brother Doug. Babs and Richard’s nerdy son Hugh plays video games with his best friend and high school jock Jace Bigman until Jace starts getting intimate with babysitter Phyllis Gorman. Hugh receives weather scientist Dr. Bunny van Clit, who once had a fling with Doug while working in outer space, at the front door.

Doug is found stabbed to death, prompting Jace to call 911. Dimwitted detective Brock Cross comes to the mansion to investigate the murder.

Still wearing lingerie, Babs has a heart to heart conversation with Hugh about being a better mother. The intimacy of their encounter gives Hugh an erection.

While looking for clues together, Jace tries to get intimate with Phyllis again. Phyllis notes something doesn’t feel right.

Brock, Bunny, and Hugh search Doug’s room. Bunny finds Doug’s diary, but Brock burns it because it was labeled “private.” Brock finds a letter opener in the fireplace that he mistakes for a tiny sword, leading him to conclude the killer is short.

The killer murders Babs while she prepares food in the kitchen. When her body is discovered, everyone realizes they are trapped in the mansion with a serial killer.

A fireman briefly shows up at the door. Jace unexpectedly expresses an interest in the fireman, which causes a rift with Hugh when Hugh calls out Jace for behaving strangely.

Brock continues harassing Hugh by kicking him in the face. Hugh discusses his virginity with Bunny, who is an idol of his.

Brock and Jace confront each other. While throwing a football around with Brock, Jace implies he could have dual identities.

Phyllis realizes there are no children in the house, leading her to wonder who she is babysitting. Phyllis goes searching for a nursery and ends up in a library where she enlightens herself by reading.

Hugh finds a man in a gimp suit flagellating himself. The gimp chases Hugh and stabs him in his leg. Jace rescues Hugh by scaring off the gimp.

Jace and Hugh disrobe and search inside a shower. Steam prevents Hugh from seeing the gimp gutting Jace. Jace admits he is gay before dropping dead.

Brock proposes setting a trap for the killer. Richard agrees to be tied up as bait.

Upset when Hugh agrees to Brock’s plan instead of accompanying her, Bunny goes off alone. Bunny joins Phyllis in the library. Phyllis encourages Bunny to do research that might solve the murders. Inspired by her reading, Bunny performs forensic tests on footprints and blood evidence.

A pizza delivery distracts Brock and Hugh. The gimp uses the opportunity to kill Richard.

Hugh goes to his room to cry. Hugh watches old home movies that reveal his uncle Doug previously exhibited murderous tendencies.

Phyllis joins Bunny and Brock in the foyer. Phyllis asserts her newfound feminist identity just as the power goes out suddenly.

Hugh joins Bunny and Brock. The three of them find Phyllis crucified to a wall when the lights come back on.

Going off his hunch, Hugh confirms his uncle is the killer when he, Bunny, and Brock discover Doug’s body disappeared. Bunny reveals her research showed the killer used the vents to move around the house undetected. Bunny starts a small fire to smoke out Doug.

Dressed in the gimp suit, Doug emerges from the vents to confront Hugh, Bunny, and Brock. Doug reveals he faked his death because he was sick of the Dangler family and believed they weren’t having enough hardcore sex with each other.

Hugh, Bunny, and Brock fight Doug. Doug stabs Brock, who later dies from his wound. Doug captures Hugh and Bunny.

Bunny tricks Doug into snorting tainted cocaine. Hugh then beats Doug to death.

Hugh and Bunny kiss. Bunny offers to have sex with Hugh, but Hugh chooses to remain a virgin.

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Review:

The premise of romp comedy “Deep Murder” is that the characters inside a 1990s ‘Skinemax’ softcore porno, not the actors but the fictional people, are being picked off one at a time by an unknown killer. The joke giving the movie its juice is that everyone only has as much intelligence as shallow stereotypes permit, so they don’t know how to do anything that wouldn’t have been written into a slapdash late-night cable script comically consumed with sex.

To borrow from the film’s low bar brand of genital jocularity, it’s ‘hard’ to sustain such humor for a ‘long’ period of time. Unsurprisingly, the ongoing gag runs out of gas after five minutes, and “Deep Murder” still has 80 more to go.

The silly story takes place entirely inside a mansion straight out of a Zalman King production. Downstairs, wheeling and dealing prick Dick Dangler (Christopher McDonald) paces in a tracksuit. Dick stays so consumed with barking buy/sell orders over an earpiece, he doesn’t notice his trophy wife Babs (Katie Aselton) is upstairs banging Dick’s bad boy brother Doug (Jerry O’Connell).

Across the hall, Babs and Dick’s nerdy virgin son Hugh (co-writer Quinn Beswick) plays video games by vacantly wiggling N64 controllers with his best bud Jace (Saturday Night Live’s Chris Redd). Jace’s letterman jacket identifies him as their school’s star jock, although he can’t throw a football and his constant sports comments regularly make wrong references like hitting a home run in hockey.

When Jace goes to get it on with ‘Babysitter’ (Jessica Parker Kennedy), who repeatedly preens with knees overlapped while twirling a lollipop on her tongue, Hugh goes to answer the front door. It’s Dr. Bunny van Clit (Stephanie Drake), a weather scientist fresh from an outer space trip to warn everyone Hurricane Muff is approaching. Bunny might be the dimmest bulb in the bunch, building a science fair volcano to demonstrate the full extent of her knowledge. But she’s outdone by dimwit detective Brock Cross (co-writer Josh Margolin), who is summoned to the scene when the first of several family members unexpectedly ends up murdered.

If any of the above sounds amusing to you, and no judgment if it does, there are plenty more unripened apples scraping the orchard floor where those bits come from. Do you fancy dirty double entendres about pearl necklaces, deep throats, ruby scepters, and golden showers? How about quick skits where people beat each other with dildos or a pizza delivery guy arrives with extra sausage and a big pepper? “Deep Murder” plays with every porn trope you can think of, and that’s precisely why it’s weak. It’s comedy you can come up with yourself, featuring nothing truly clever to deliver a hit above the belt.

In a “so deliberately dumb, it’s funny” sort of way, the movie does have its moments, thanks wholly to a lively ensemble having a good time playing up goofs as far as underwhelming writing allows. When Detective Brock discovers a discarded letter opener, he jumps to a wild conclusion that the wife hired a diminutive hitman to climb up her lover’s body and stab him with a tiny sword. And when Brock spontaneously spin kicks Hugh in his face, I admit I emitted a one-time puff of air from my nostrils.

But the bulk of the humor can’t break through a wall of being basic, as evidenced by a montage of Hugh’s home videos from different decades. In the 1980s, Hugh sports a Flock of Seagulls haircut while Dick talks on a brick cellphone. 1992 footage has Jace mentioning “Milli Vanilli can do no wrong” (which weirdly would have been after their lip-synching scandal) while Doug laments being late for a Sugar Ray concert. Add ironic name drops and overdone sight gags to the long laundry list of lame laughs.

“Deep Murder” earns a thumbs down from me because I barely found it funny, which is obviously a fatal flaw for a comedy. But to each their own. If this style of flippant farce sounds up your alley, or you’re merely in the mood for “turn off your brain” entertainment, you’ll likely squeeze more enjoyment out of it than I did. Just be certain to set your disposition to dick jokes and dippiness and you’ll probably come out okay.

Review Score: 45

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