Maybe “Cobweb” wasn’t worth a trip to the theater to watch the same brand of standard suspense that streaming services burp up at home on a weekly basis.

Manhattan-related grievances notwithstanding, mediocrity lands it in a fair middle ground amongst its peers as far as standard “Friday the 13th” merits are concerned.

I can just list ingredients like I’m writing a nutrition label and you’ll see how “Terror at London Bridge” provides 100% of your recommended daily dose of nostalgia.

Not quite an undiscovered gem, the film fares better as an entertainingly dated oddity fit for a bit of lukewarm 1990s nostalgia.

The vague cartoon vibe is too erratically employed to really root “The Wrath of Becky” with a consistent horror to humor ratio.

“Mazes and Monsters” earns bonus points for its camp value as a pseudo-historical artifact from when mothers spilled their marbles over a totally harmless fantasy game.

“Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park” is pure Wisconsin cheddar, as extra sharp as it can possibly be cut, that tastes terrific now that it’s aged with over 40 years of flavor.

Based on my memory of “Last Shift,” “Malum” seems largely like a mirror image that’s just reflecting in slightly more polished glass.

Even if the film didn’t write all of it, “The Amityville Horror” became the template followed by all haunted house chillers since.

“The Third Saturday in October’s” period details are terrific, and the film recreates 1980 without swinging a sledgehammer in your face about it.

For as entertaining as the film can be, there’s a sense it only scratches the surface of something fresher and funnier if it were to risk pushing further.

If you just want a cinematic spectacle of deadite-driven gruesomeness, “Evil Dead Rise” delivers more entertaining amounts of gore than any fan could hope for.

Russell Crowe does his demon dousing with the delightfully drunken haughtiness of Oliver Reed plus the scenery-snacking sensibilities of Tim Curry.

No one appears to be phoning anything in, but when you build something with blocks whose only color is beige, the final form can’t help but be basic.

The movie fondly reminds me of smirking at quickie conspiracy theory series in the days before 1am programming slots were taken over by Joey Greco and “Cheaters.”

You can either look at “Kids vs. Aliens” as a low-budget Amblin adventure, or as a big-budget backyard B-movie. The latter makes it far more fun.

Like a grandma too timid to cross the street for fear of getting grazed by a bicycle, “65” sticks to playing it safe at all times.

Elizabeth Banks and Jimmy Warden basically build “Cocaine Bear” like a classic Roger Corman drive-in flick, just with big studio bucks and an all-star cast.

I’ve decided to give it a “neither here nor there” 50/100 because review scores need numbers, not shrugging shoulders emojis.

Welcome to the bottomless sewer of lo-fi indie fright flicks. Don’t feel bad. Winnie-the-Pooh apparently dwells down here now too.