“The Silence” answers the question, what would a Syfy creature feature look like if it replaced campy charm with a misspent big budget and name actors taking the tone too dourly?

If I had to Sophie’s Choice which adaptation I’d rather press Play on for another watch, I’m picking 1989 every time.

Pencils down everyone! “The Haunting of Sharon Tate” has aced the exam for who can create the most tasteless tie-in to one of pop culture’s most notorious murders.

These are those terms earned by “The Wind” that inspire intrigue for some and rolled eyes for others: patient, atmospheric, quiet, moody, bleak, and slow-burn.

What’s more disappointing than an un-fun microbudget mockbuster? An un-fun microbudget mockbuster that doesn’t even mock the movie it’s supposedly busting.

“Mercy Black” turns a tragic true crime into a standard spookshow that’s adequate for a disposable one-and-done watch, but not much else.

Overeager swooners putting backs of hands to fainting foreheads while proclaiming “masterpiece” could stand to dial down the hyperventilating hyperbole.

Director Adam Randall and writer Devon Graye hide an entire deck of suspenseful surprises up their sleeves to keep your imagination mired in mystery throughout.

The illustrations are so acutely dizzying that “Daniel Isn’t Real” becomes one of the most intriguing visualizations of dueling identities ever imagined.

I’m rating “Imitation Girl” down the middle because if the film laid an egg atop a steepled roof, I have no idea which side it would roll down.

It’s difficult to discern how much of “Darlin’s” seriousness and pseudo-slapstick is by design and how much of it might be due to a slipped grip on inconsistent tones.

“Director’s Cut” plates an adequate appetizer instead of a hearty entrée when it comes to really roasting Kickstarter cinema culture with wicked wit.

Someday, someone may make a legitimately frightening fictional film that accurately reflects the immersive terror of an extreme haunt. “Extremity” isn’t it.

“Tales from the Lodge” stirs three parts drama, two parts horror, and one part humor into a quirky cocktail that tastes differently depending on how a personal palate is prepared.

It wouldn’t be wrong to describe the wild romp as a demented Disney Channel production gone devilishly haywire.

“Among the Shadows” is such a malodorous mess of cinematic ineptitude, Ed Wood would roll over in his grave if he had to watch one minute of it.

Syfy knows what side their bread is buttered on. And that side is mediocre made-for-cable movies, of which “Killer High” is one.

Losing your soul one piece at a time would be preferable to having it completely sucked out in one sitting, which is what happens when you watch “The Campus” aka “Death Day.”

“The Prodigy” doesn’t need fancy tricks when it has an impressive illusionist who can still wow an audience through deft displays of cinematic dexterity.