It plays like a silly soap opera shot as a feature film, with all the same overwrought writing and exaggerated acting usually reserved for daytime TV.

You’re likely to skeptically wonder, as I did, “can it really be that bad?”  In a word, yes.  “The Snowman" really is that bad.

You come out wondering if you even watched a true movie or just an amateur exercise in quickly stitching together a feature from B-roll and previously used footage.

Let’s cut the quibbling over distinctions between psychological thriller, dark drama, fabulist fantasy, or whatever other words one wants to misapply to sidestep calling a fig a fig.

The only fair score that accurately reflects the film is an impartial 50/100, because it’s as likely that any given person will love it as much as they might loathe it.

Don’t expect to be bowled over by anything particularly original once “Truth or Dare” is all said and done, which was pretty much its plan all along.

“Happy Death Day” marks a maturity point for Blumhouse’s previously shortsighted takes on PG-13 horror.

If you find favor with slow burn supernatural thrillers, and have tastes tolerant of intimate productions, “The Child Remains” certainly creeps up those alleys.

"Another WolfCop" turns the tables by daring audiences to put a wet tongue on a cold flagpole of midnight movie madness.

“Once Upon a Time at Christmas” seemingly realizes it has a preposterous plot, yet never takes advantage of that fact with a style suiting its spirit.

“Kill Order” turns out to be a high energy, stunt filled, nearly nonstop action film filled almost entirely with fights and very little filler.

“The Shape of Water” represents the pinnacle of Guillermo del Toro’s trajectory as an ever-evolving cinematic storyteller.

One time through its portal is worth the trip, provided you come at “Darken” with the positive perspective of expecting indie sci-fi style.

Instead of coming across as passably mediocre, “Nails” limps toward a takeaway impression of being irresponsibly uninterested in its own outcome.

“Robert and the Toymaker” sucks. Let’s see marketing fabulists mince those words into a promotional blurb they can slap onto a box.

“The Curse of Buckout Road” bites off a lot, chewing most of it down with memorable vignettes, only allowing some of the excess to fall to the floor.

It was a token of taboo entertainment, a white buffalo to be hunted down, hidden in a book bag and watched in secret at some sleepover down the line.

The tagline is “Don’t Fall Asleep,” a dull dare destined to be failed since the film’s superpower is its ability to bore audiences into unconsciousness.

It isn’t a story so much as a series of stitched together scenes featuring people fighting zombies, fleeing from zombies, or arguing over whether they should be fighting or fleeing.

Trouble is, “Totem” is straightforward to the point of being largely lethargic and entirely recycled from pedestrian tropes.