With apologies to “The Simpsons,” not since “The Neverending Story” has a title so blatantly misrepresented the movie.

Since I am not above terribly pedestrian metaphors, “Haunting” is to horror films what Chinese food is to cuisine.  It does the job fast and simple, although you can find the same thing just about anywhere and you will crave something more satisfying not long afterwards.

Had their ages been at least ten years younger, I would have thought this a failed film school project that was mistakenly given a professional release. Sadly, it appears everyone involved was old enough to know better.

Imagine “Ghostbusters” if the cast portrayed less distinct characters. That is what “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters” is like. It is not without charm, it just lacks a more memorable personality.

Nazi zombies.  Any words more than those two would be overkill on the description.

“Mimesis” does not cheaply exploit “Night of the Living Dead.”  It creatively uses George A. Romero’s classic to deliver a different spin on the genre.

Charles Band attains a new low in fan exploitation by presenting an “anthology” that is actually three truncated versions of previous Full Moon films cobbled together into one semi-coherent disappointment.

Unlike other “Saw” clones, “Redd Inc” has a story ... Anyone who has ever felt chained to a cubicle will see what that expression literally means.

Make no mistake.  “Cannibal Holocaust” is no joke.

The end result is a bland story and an inferior vision of a cursed town that is becoming less terrifying each time it is visited.

It is an impressive town to travel through for nightmarish imagery and shiver-inducing mood.  It is just a shame that the stay lasts longer than it should and the reason for visiting never makes itself clear.

If “The Collector” failed to make an impact, you can safely skip “The Collection” and not notice a difference in your horror movie-watching life.

“The Collector” is a delivery device for gruesome kills ... The movie does not pretend to have a story so much as a premise that sets up the mayhem.

Even though it was released in 1991, “Popcorn” is a prime example of a fun ‘80s horror movie, the type Rhonda Shear would have hosted on “USA Up All Night” back in the ‘90s.

Like the portal the characters open with the titular ritual, “The Speak” exists somewhere between two worlds. It isn’t a mess, but it isn’t exactly worth seeing, either.

Every review I have read of the film rightly criticizes the same thing: the ending.  In actuality, it is difficult to criticize the ending.  Simply because there isn’t one.

No matter the person’s age, anyone seeing this movie for the first time in the 21st century will only be confused or amused, and anything other than satisfied or scared.

...Those who can forgive the erratic scene arrangement will find a unique thriller with tinges of those distinct 1970’s film feelings one normally only finds in exploitation or grindhouse cinema.

Smartly titling it “Creepshow” fooled a lot of us into seeing the film, but that does not mean we cannot save the rest of you from having to suffer the same way we did.

...While it may be a gauge for the “found footage” formula and relative success of the resulting film, it should not be the genre’s benchmark for quality in execution.