Studio: 1091 Pictures
Director: Christopher Beyrooty, Connor Martin
Writer: Christopher Beyrooty, Connor Martin
Producer: Jonathon Komack Martin
Stars: Brendan Hines, Tatjana Marjanovic, Ola Kaminska, Jey Reynolds, Kevin Daniels
Review Score:
Summary:
Forced to quarantine in an empty hotel during the COVID-19 pandemic, a honeymooning couple discovers the skeleton staff is hiding a bloody secret.
Review:
Recently, I did something I haven’t done in several years since becoming a critic. Despite having taken numerous notes, I turned off a movie at the 30-minute mark and threw away the work I’d already done.
The film, a gothic period piece, wasn’t necessarily “bad.” It just wasn’t for me. I realized I didn’t need to force myself across the finish line. I could summarize my unfavorable experience in a single tweet instead of putting more negativity into the world with a full review. More importantly, I didn’t want to waste several more hours of my life by laboring through something I didn’t enjoy simply so the first 30-minute investment could pay off.
Similar thoughts occurred to me while watching “Shelter in Place,” except this time it only took 20 minutes. First act exposition wasn’t even complete, yet it was already clear “Shelter in Place” wasn’t going to shape into a suspenseful slow burn. It was merely a snoozy sleepwalker with no noticeable destination, and no sign of hope that intrigue might be on the horizon. Instinct told me to save the headache and turn it off, but two things kept me from doing so.
Have you ever found out a film was set in your hometown, or maybe it shot in a location that was a familiar personal touchstone? You feel oddly obligated, or at least curious, to give that movie a look, yeah? “Shelter in Place” takes place at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel. Sure, that’s a world-famous landmark that has seen countless people pass through its doors. But it feels local to me. I’ve had drinks at its various bars, attended an event on the roof, even stayed overnight once. I also interviewed Darren Lynn Bousman in one of the suites and accidentally wound up in the VIP room at “The Conjuring 2” premiere party too. Point being, the place has a habit of popping up in my life from time to time, so I was interested in the idea of an entire horror movie set inside its walls.
“Shelter in Place” features a newlywed couple, John and Sara, who become stranded in the hotel with two mysterious employees, Ty and Adela, when the initial COVID-19 lockdown puts the planet on pause. For a second time, I told myself I still wanted to give this movie a chance, because quarantine-themed thrillers are a recent rage in low-budget indie horror, and I’m eager to see the how the subgenre evolves as COVID continues.
One thing I’ll give “Shelter in Place” is that it truly captures the extreme boredom of sheltering at home. Remember when the pandemic first hit? Remember how after a few weeks of self-imposed quarantine, you’d watched all of “Tiger King” and done a few jigsaw puzzles and were ready to cut off your own head from the mundane monotony that seemingly had no end in sight? Now ask yourself this. Would you watch a 90-minute movie based on whatever irrelevant arguments stir-craziness caused between you and your roommates/loved ones, filled with the endless ennui experienced while desperately searching for something engaging to do? What if that film included two or three minutes of some cryptically creepy behavior by a character who may be a vampire, succubus, gypsy, or vaguely defined creature of some sort? Yeah, it still wouldn’t be worth sitting through the draining dullness to get there, would it?
The small crew and smaller cast of “Shelter in Place” had what looks like unfettered access to one of the most desirable shooting locations imaginable. What did they do with it? They stretched out scenes of lounging conversation, ascending/descending staircases, futzing with dishes and laundry, and aimlessly wandering around various spaces because they didn’t have a robust plot to fill a feature length.
I’d summarize the story, except there isn’t one to summarize. John and Sara mill about the effectively abandoned hotel, gradually getting on each other’s nerves. A few things intended to be eerie suggest something sinister is afoot, such as fleeting figures passing in the background. But if you want anything that remotely constitutes a substantial scare, you’ll have to search in a different haunted hotel movie, because no such thing exists in “Shelter in Place.”
An early grimace came from noticing how actors were clearly reciting rehearsed lines. I think those first few scenes were as far as the script got with any sort of a firm plan though. After that, the movie meanders into such a nothing narrative, it looks like everyone made up an uneventful hour of content as they went along.
“Shelter in Place” gets one star for technically qualifying as a basic movie. I’m awarding a second star because, back when the film was first announced as “Do Not Disturb” with an accompanying promotional still, I laughingly tweeted I’d add one for the lead actress daring to crawl on a dirty Hollywood Boulevard sidewalk. I’m a man of my word, so I’ll pay the price for that joke. If you really want to go by my word, trust what I say about “Shelter in Place” effectively emulating what life is like in quarantine, because you’ll be anxious for something interesting to provide relief from the blah blandness sucking the energy right out of you.
Review Score: 40
Everyone else who has no problem with a fright flick that feels like “Lizzie McGuire” decided to get dark with a PG-13 Halloween special should do just fine.