MRS. CLAUS (2018)

Studio:      Wild Eye Releasing
Director:    Troy Escamilla
Writer:      Troy Escamilla
Producer:  Troy Escamilla, Derek Huey
Stars:     Brinke Stevens, Helene Udy, Kaylee Williams, Mel Heflin, Hailey J. Strader, Billy Brannigan, Heather Bounds, Ryan Poole

Review Score:

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Summary:

A killer disguised as a devilish Mrs. Claus terrorizes a sorority where one pledge’s sister was previously murdered. 

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Synopsis:     Show/Hide Spoilers

For her initiation into Delta Sigma Sigma, sorority sisters Amber, Hannah, and Brittany force pledge Angela Werner to drink from a toilet bowl and masturbate with a dildo. Amber later embarrasses Angela at a Christmas party by giving her the dildo as a gift. Angela has an emotional breakdown, murders Amber, and then hangs herself.

Ten years later, Amber’s younger sister Danielle pledges the same sorority. Danielle’s boyfriend Kyle and Kyle’s sister Kayla, who also belongs to the sorority, express concern over Danielle living in the house where her sister died.

Danielle receives a threatening email from someone named ‘Mrs. Claus’ regarding the upcoming anniversary of the tragedy. Danielle shows the message to sorority sister Monica, who responds with a taunt of her own.

After having sex, sorority sister Sophie Benson gets in a brief fight with her boyfriend Grant. Sophie returns to the sorority house to collect her things before going home for the holiday break. A killer wearing a Halloween mask and dressed as Mrs. Claus murders Sophie from the backseat of her car.

Angela’s mother Mrs. Werner comes to the sorority house to angrily confront Danielle about Danielle’s sister having murdered her daughter. Kayla kicks out Mrs. Werner.

Sophie’s mother Mrs. Benson calls the house and tells Kayla that her daughter didn’t come home. Mrs. Benson also calls campus police, who assign Officer Julie Cornwell to look into Sophie’s disappearance.

Left alone at the house, sorority sister Madison receives threatening texts on her phone. Mrs. Claus murders Madison.

Danielle, Kayla, and Monica host a Christmas party at the house with Kyle, Grant, Grant’s stoner friend Jake, Jake’s former fling Alexandria, and outspoken podcaster Tyler as guests. The group discusses the murder-suicide from ten years ago, prompting Tyler to deliver a rant about the Greek system.

Officer Cornwell stops by to investigate Sophie’s disappearance. Everyone finds it strange that Kayla didn’t mention receiving a phone call from Mrs. Benson. Before leaving, Cornwell warns everyone to stay nearby in case she has further questions.

Monica walks Tyler outside when he decides to leave. Monica kisses Tyler. Tyler tells Monica he is gay. Embarrassed, Monica goes back to the house. After being left alone, Mrs. Claus murders Tyler.

Danielle and Kyle go to Danielle’s room for a conversation and then sex. Jake and Alexandria go outside to smoke, leaving Grant and Kayla in a conversation on the couch.

Jake and Alexandria joke around before discussing their complicated relationship. Mrs. Claus murders them simultaneously in the garage.

Danielle and Kyle rejoin Grant, Kayla, and Monica in the living room to discuss their worst Christmas experiences. Monica goes outside to find Tyler and ends up decapitated by Mrs. Claus.

Officer Cornell returns to the house. When Grant moves to leave, Cornell tells him to wait in her patrol car for a ride. Mrs. Claus murders Grant from the backseat.

Having found Madison’s phone, Danielle and Kyle go upstairs to search Madison’s room. Cornell searches outside, leaving Kayla alone. Mrs. Claus attacks Cornell before killing Kayla.

Danielle and Kyle briefly check outside after they discover everyone missing. When they return to the house, they find all of the dead bodies laid out on display. Mrs. Claus unmasks herself as Mrs. Werner to angrily confront Danielle once again.

Cornell interrupts the confrontation to initially hold Mrs. Werner at knifepoint. Cornell suddenly stabs Kyle in his stomach. Cornell reveals that she is Mrs. Werner’s sister and wanted to help her get revenge for Angela’s death. With that goal accomplished, Cornell unexpectedly murders Mrs. Werner. Cornell attacks Danielle, but Danielle seemingly kills her following a struggle.

One Year Later – With both of them having recovered, Danielle and Kyle continue their relationship. While alone in her car, Danielle discovers a threatening message in a gift box. Mrs. Claus appears in Danielle’s backseat.

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Review:

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and what should I watch?
A slasher once known as “Stirring,” now named “Mrs. Claus.”

It’s a DIY indie, which is important to know.
But I hoped against hope that it still wouldn’t blow.
Barely ten seconds in and I worried, “oh no!”
“It looks like some amateurs made a film with a phone.”

The setup starts with a pledge at a sorority for rush.
She has to drink from a toilet that no one has flushed.
Sisters then pass a dildo to be crammed up her cooch.
If I am to suffer this, I will need much more hooch.

A girl with painted-on eyebrows shames the pledge with a prank.
I guess booze won’t suffice, I’ll need something dank.
Now there’s suddenly stabbing, yet with no noise effects.
That’s not the sole silent scene either, who did the sound on this mess?

Ten years have passed, there’s a new girl on the scene.
It was her sister murdered, so what if she was mean?
New bodies start dropping, the killer wears a mask.
“Does this movie get better?” would be a dumb Q to ask.

Who is the culprit, will anyone care?
The only reason to watch this would be on a dare.
Should I see this as serious, perhaps silly, or both?
I’m likely over-thinking and should take a fresh toke.

On “Black Christmas!” On “Halloween!” On so many more!
Homage or rip-off, let’s mimic movies galore!
Cuts to clouds, iced cookies, and a panhandling man.
Does this B-roll make sense in some editor’s head?

The entire story occurs in one place,
Forcing the lens to be shoved in each face.
Lighting looks awful, and the camerawork worse.
Why did I choose this, is it some kind of curse?

A jerky camera can’t figure out how to frame a three-shot.
Why is it panning when the ‘pod should be locked?
A bottle changes hands from one shot to the next.
Continuity’s biffed too? What else did I expect?

Are Udy and Brinke the only ones who’ve acted before?
The cast appears stiff and perpetually bored.
Not that I blame them, I feel that way too.
To have fun with this flick, better start huffing glue.

Quickly the slim story runs out of steam.
But there’s still half the runtime yet to fill up the screen.
Actors seem to do improv to stretch out that time.
Their dialogue is so awful, it should be a punishable crime.

Stoner musings about Santa and his elves getting high.
How ‘bout diarrhea at dinner before eating pie?
Such gags aren’t funny and always ring hollow.
I’d expect nothing less from a movie this shallow.

What’s with the piano tinkling on the score?
Are these library tracks off a CD from the store?
That decapitation might be the lamest kill yet.
Such hacky holiday horror fills me with regret.

One hand is sufficient to count the technical ranks.
There’s no crew in the credits, just endless Special Thanks.
It should surprise no one that “Mrs. Claus” shot for a dime.
That still doesn’t excuse it for wasting valuable time.

Should you choose to accuse me of being unfair, I’ll take it.
These might be fledgling kids just trying to make it.
Maybe no-budget cheapies fill your stocking with glee.
But the low-rent aesthetic simply won’t work for me.

Even with lowered standards for horror that’s homemade,
“Mrs. Claus” cannot muster a fair passing grade.
Not that this means the cause is all lost,
But before pressing Play, please consider the cost.

If you want to enjoy it, make your nose red as a cherry.
Only egg nog and whiskey can make “Mrs. Claus” merry.
Even then it’s a chore to squeeze out any fun.
You’re more likely to be asleep when it’s all said and done.

Until the next DTV’er about Krampus or whatever,
Remember the best time for bad movies is never.
It’s hard to resist when we want festive frights,
But “Mrs. Claus” isn’t the way to have a good Christmas night.

Review Score: 25

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