F MARRY KILL (2024)

Studio:   Lionsgate
Director: Laura Murphy
Writer:   Ivan Diaz, Dan Scheinkman, Meghan Brown
Producer: Jason Moring, Michael Philip, Richard Alan Reid
Stars:    Lucy Hale, Virginia Gardner, Brooke Nevin, Samer Salem, Jedidiah Goodacre, Brendan Morgan

Review Score:

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Summary:

Amid a murder spree targeting online daters, a single woman suspects one of the three men she is dating could be the killer.

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Synopsis:     Show/Hide Spoilers

Eva Vaughn celebrates her 30th birthday with her friends Kelly, Anthony, and Robin. Eva remarks how she finally feels ready to date again now that eight months have passed since her ex-boyfriend, police officer Jake Jackson, ended their eight-year relationship. Eva’s friends remind her to be careful because a serial murderer dubbed “The Swipe Right Killer” has been targeting women online in an ongoing case Eva has obsessively followed via the “Mark My Murder” true crime podcast.

Eva’s overprotective older sister Valerie gifts Eva with an Armored Guardian home security system for her birthday. After Valerie shows her Jake is now engaged to a fellow cop, Eva realizes she needs to stop pining for her ex and be more proactive about her life’s direction.

Robin helps Eva make an online dating profile. Eva’s first match is Mitch, whom she meets at the bar he owns. Eva notices Mitch doesn’t have fingerprints, which he claims burned off due to working in kitchens.

Having secretly tracked her through her phone, Eva sees her sister Valerie spying on her at Mitch’s bar. To spite Valerie’s interference and insistence on being more cautious with men, Eva invites Mitch back to her place for sex.

Norman Ali from Armored Guardian Security evaluates Eva’s home for her new security system. While getting to know each other afterward, Norman reveals he is studying crime scene forensics, which is a trait attributed to the Swipe Right Killer. Eva agrees to go on a date with Norman after her system’s installation later in the week.

Eva goes on an awkward first date with Kyle, a former friend from middle school with whom she matched on the dating app. In between off-putting actions, Kyle, who claims he is a veterinarian, orders a bottle of rose wine, which is believed to be preferred by the killer. Eva declines to go home with Kyle, but she has another hookup with Mitch instead.

Valerie interrupts Eva’s night with Mitch with a phone call warning her the police discovered the killer doesn’t have fingerprints, making Mitch a possible suspect. Eva remembers other clues that make Norman and Kyle potential suspects, too.

Eva invites Valerie for a night out with her friends Kelly, Anthony, and Robin where they play “F*ck, Marry, Kill” with the three men Eva is dating. During drinks, the group learns another victim was discovered, but a footprint found at the scene identified that the killer wears a size 10 shoe. Determined to prove to her friends that none of her suitors are the serial killer, Eva vows to find out all of their shoe sizes.

Eva has another date with Mitch. Mitch gets upset when Eva lets it slip that she is dating other men, but they still have sex. Upon discovering Mitch wears a size 10 shoe, Eva quickly moves to leave. Mitch mentions he would be angry if he found out Eva was using him for sex, which makes Eva think he is dangerous.

Eva goes on a picnic date with Kyle in a public park. Eva learns Kyle wears a size 10 sandal. Among other odd behaviors, Kyle becomes physically aggressive with a man playing a distracting guitar, prompting Eva to leave abruptly.

After her security system’s installation, Eva goes on a date with Norman at a comedy club. A bizarre moment occurs when Norman is pulled on stage and he impersonates a killer on a first date as part of an improv routine. Claiming his sister called him with an emergency, Norman later leaves suddenly.

Eva runs into Kelly’s husband Brad at the comedy club’s bar. Eva finds out Brad and Kelly have been on a break and Kelly never told her.

Robin, who was also at the club with Anthony, convinces Eva they should follow Norman to see what really drew him away. Eva and Robin follow Norman to an apartment where they see and hear activity that looks suspiciously like disposing of a body.

After Norman leaves, Eva and Robin enter the apartment. Both women are surprised to find out Norman really was attending to his wheelchair-bound sister Lila before taking out her trash. Posing as concerned neighbors, Eva and Robin quickly exit.

Norman invites Eva over to his place to apologize for abandoning their date. Eva discovers Norman wears a size 10 shoe. Upon finding a single woman’s shoe, Eva accidentally reveals she knows Norman’s sister is in a wheelchair. With the vibe between them now growing increasingly uncomfortable, Eva leaves.

Outside Norman’s house, Eva has a brief encounter with his next-door neighbor Tara Leon. The following morning, Tara is found murdered, leading Eva to conclude Norman must be the killer.

Concerned for her sister and also obsessed with the mystery, Valerie shows Eva what her internet research revealed about Norman. The sisters learn Norman’s sister Lila became paralyzed during a botched home invasion that killed their parents before Norman’s arrival frightened away the unidentified robbers. Valerie points out this background looks like a “supervillain origin story” for Norman.

At Valerie’s urging, Eva takes her suspicions about Norman to her ex-boyfriend Jake at the police station. Jake reveals the killer has been keeping one shoe from each victim, which was not a publicly revealed clue. Eva tells Jake about the woman’s shoe she found at Norman’s, but Jake counters that the police cannot do anything without DNA tying Norman to the crimes.

Mitch surprises Eva with the revelation that he has feelings for her. Eva admits she thought he could be the killer as she disappoints Mitch by saying she doesn’t want a serious relationship with him. However, the two of them agree to have sex again in the future.

Eva returns to Norman’s house to acquire some of his skin for DNA testing. Following an awkward series of events, Eva sneaks a skin sample that she brings back to Jake. Concerned by her strange behavior at his house, Norman pays Eva a visit but, believing he is the killer, Eva forces him to leave immediately.

Unable to get ahold of Valerie or Kelly, Eva asks Kyle for a safe place to stay since Norman installed the security system in her home. While at Kyle’s, Eva receives a voicemail from Valerie warning her Kyle is actually married and many of the things he told her, such as being a veterinarian, are lies, leading them to believe he is the real killer. Initially unable to reach her sister, Valerie calls Kelly with the same message.

Kyle becomes physically aggressive with Eva, causing a pair of struggles in his house. Kelly suddenly stabs Kyle from behind. She then convinces Eva to remove the knife, which kills Kyle.

Kelly seats Eva in her car while she goes back inside supposedly to destroy evidence of Eva’s involvement in Kyle’s death. In Kelly’s glove compartment, Eva finds a collection of cellphones belonging to various Swipe Right Killer victims.

Eva confronts Kelly with the phones. Kelly confesses she is the Swipe Right Killer. Kelly explains the first murder occurred when she killed a woman her husband Brad went on a date with. Convinced she could save more marriages by killing potential homewreckers, Kelly began a catfishing murder spree that she planned to pin on Brad.

Kelly lunges at Eva with a knife. Eva defends herself by stabbing Kelly in her back with another victim’s stiletto heel.

Cops arrive at the scene because Valerie, who had secretly put a tracker on Kelly’s phone during the friends’ night out, called Jake. With his fiancée Winnie having called off their engagement, Jake proposes getting back together with Eva. Eva declines. Jake subsequently encourages Eva to continue dating Norman, whose DNA came back clean. Valerie, Anthony, and Robin arrive to further comfort Eva.

Eva visits Norman. After reconciling over Eva’s misunderstood misgivings about him, Norman and Eva agree to continue dating.

Eva goes on to become a bestselling author. During an appearance on the “Mark My Murder” podcast, Eva and the show’s hosts Molly and Jon are stunned when they receive a live phone call from Kelly in prison.

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Review:

Dualities dominate “F Marry Kill,” though they cause confusing creative conflicts more often than they work in tandem to complement one another. To start with, the story centers on a 30-year-old looking for a mature romantic relationship, yet the movie seems targeted toward 19-year-olds only interested in noncommittal Tinder hookups, like the script forgets its characters aren’t in college anymore. With snappily delivered dialogue, bouncy incidental music in the background, and a model-quality cast where you won’t find a single pimple, there’s this vague vibe of a Hallmark holiday movie, except the subject matter concerns a serial killer slaughtering single women. “F Marry Kill” also comes billed as a comedic thriller, but be ready to find those few and far between thrills flavored vanilla, and the humor either too subtle to be seen, or so full of ham it could be served for Easter dinner.

As if the writers deliberately designed things so every box on the form could be checked, cough cough, Eva Vaughn enjoys a close circle of diverse friends. Her best gal pal is Kelly, a married blonde who likes watching her own wedding video. Nonbinary Anthony, who is Filipino, has a long-term boyfriend, but still dreams of having even more boyfriends. Robin, a Black woman, is single, yet she’s a fan of ethical polyamory.

We know all of the above because the movie introduces every single character, no matter when they first appear, via bubbled windows popping in on freeze frames that identify everyone by name, age, marital status, and one specific trait telling us everything there is to know about their simple personalities. Yes, “F Marry Kill” uses the flashy pop stylings of a VH1 production to put its tongue in its cheek while putting up the presentation of a fleet-footed and “fun” murder-mystery.

These first few friends don’t even need that meager amount of description. Aside from group scenes, all of their lines could have been given to one or two people instead of three and no one would notice there had ever been more of them to begin with.

Mattering more are the three men Eva begins dating. Somewhat recently removed from an eight-year relationship ended by her police officer ex, Eva finally feels ready to get back on the scene. After Robin helps set her up on an app, Eva swipes right on Mitch, a handsome bar owner who becomes Eva’s friend with benefits on their first date. Eva also matches with Kyle, whom she happens to know from middle school, and who happens to still have an unsightly habit of picking his nose. Not all of Eva’s potential new boyfriends materialize from cellphone photos. Her overprotective sister Valerie gifted Eva with a security system for her birthday, and Eva puts the installer, Norman, on her shortlist of suitors, too.

It's a bad time to be bedding unfamiliar men in Boulder, Colorado, since a serial slasher dubbed “The Swipe Right Killer” has been ending online dates with murder. A true crime junkie, Eva stays current on those killings via a podcast whose clues eerily coincide with curiosities concerning Mitch, Kyle, and Norman. It isn’t long before Eva starts suspecting one of them could be the killer. Before winding up as another victim, Eva decides her dates will double as secret opportunities for amateur sleuthing as she endeavors to discover which of her new men might be the murderer.

Objectively, I’m not entirely sure what to rate “F Marry Kill” because subjectively, the film had nearly no effect on me. A Goldilocks bowl of beige movie porridge, the flick is a largely passive viewing experience with superficial caricatures for characters, an intrigue-free whodunit, and a tame twist garnished on top of the mushy meal. “F Marry Kill” carries an R rating “for sexual material, language, some violence and drug use,” which seems harsh considering there’s almost no blood, no murders committed onscreen, and the overall vibe plays closer to PG-13 in tone.

Lucy Hale works well enough as Eva. She’d probably be better if her role wasn’t written to be so reactionary. Eva plays second fiddle in nearly all her scenes, serving up exaggerated expressions, slinging quick quips, and often playing straight man in response to someone else’s actions instead of being the driving centerpiece herself.

Tying her characterization together with a couple of color-faded red herrings, one underwhelming reveal telegraphed by the cover art, and a whole lot of “eh” and “meh” in between, “F Marry Kill” joins Blumhouse’s “Truth or Dare” (review here) and “Fantasy Island” (review here) to complete a trifecta of milquetoast genre projects for Hale. Quality of product is more on her agent than it is on Hale, as she always gives all she’s got with pleasant “pep in her step” performances. Let’s just cross our fingers that the fourth time is the charm for her next swim in similar waters.

Review Score: 50

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