Studio: Wild Eye Releasing
Director: Tim Vigil
Writer: Carlos Perez
Producer: David S. Sterling
Stars: Jin N Tonic, Miranda Melhado, Anthony DeArce, Veronica Farren, Maggie Nolting, Haillye Young Miller, Jose Acain, Ismaele Montone, J. Randall, Randy Oppenheimer
Review Score:
Summary:
After telling tales of a legendary local vampire, a man and his fiancée encounter their own terror while camping in the woods.
Review:
“Amityville Vampire” is awful. I hear what you’re thinking. “Whoa, stop the presses!” You’re shocked that the 999th DTV fright flick to abuse the Amityville name, employ first-time actors, and be crudely shot-on-digital by amateurs who evidently don’t know what they’re doing turned out terrible, right? Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either.
Anyway, we could go through the usual rigmarole where we question why I’d bother with such obvious rubbish in the first place. I’d explain for the umpteenth time that the true Amityville curse is my inexplicable inability to resist the tired marketing ploy and simply not watch some horror hack-job just because it has Amityville in its title. Then I could either get angry about willingly wasting my time and viciously tear the movie a new one, or I could choose a comical route where I rip into the film with jokey wisecracks.
Instead of echoing every other review written for countless Amityville indies, I thought I’d try something different. With help from a few visual aids, I’m going to offer a bare bones ‘Lo-Fi Filmmaking 101’ primer to detail a small handful of the many places where “Amityville Vampire” becomes an assault on the eyes. I don’t purport to be an expert, but you don’t have to be to spot basic deficiencies in an underachieving effort like this one. With any luck, maybe, just maybe, some backyard moviemaker might stumble across this and realize that for next to no money, it only takes a minimum amount of awareness for your horror film, no matter how small, to not look like it was shot in an afternoon by someone wearing a blindfold.
Incredibly, “Amityville Vampire” actually wins a star simply because it opens on a shot of the infamous Ocean Avenue home. I don’t know if it was a model, the recreation built for other films, or footage borrowed from another project since the sequence is in a different aspect ratio and none of these prologue actors appear in end credits. But at least “Amityville Vampire” gets the house right. The bar for disposable Amityville claptrap is so low, that’s more than can be said for the majority of this movie’s peers. Oh, but I do need to add that like its peers, after this quick intro, “Amityville Vampire” has absolutely nothing to do with Amityville.
Let’s start with cinematic staging. Untrained eyes have a tendency to focus solely on fitting things into frame, so they think from the camera’s perspective and put people in unnatural positions. That problem can then be compounded when those people are positioned against flat environments rather than stimulating backgrounds that offer a sense of depth. “Amityville Vampire” splits the difference in this example where only half of the “action” butts up against a monochrome wall. But why have everyone stand awkwardly in a straight line other than for the benefit of compressing everything into one angle?
Makeup effects legend Dick Smith’s readily-available recipe for stage blood has been an industry standard for over 50 years. A simple variation can be easily created with a bottle of Karo corn syrup and food coloring, each of which can be found for around $5 at any grocery store. Whatever this watery pink fluid is that “Amityville Vampire” uses for fake blood? Nuh-uh.
While we’re on the subject of makeup, it’s called a tissue. If you’re going to get close on an actor, especially a woman meant to be a sexy seductress, for crying out loud blot the sweat off her face first. When you’re at Kroger’s picking up that Karo, grab a box of Kleenex too. Performances will still be subpar, but without spending an entire $20 bill, you can at least improve your production value a smidge above a middle school reading of “The Crucible.”
Contrary to what iPhones have falsely taught us about how anyone can supposedly point and shoot a movie, you can’t lazily press record and immediately start filming. Lighting is critically important, particularly in alternating shots where both faces should have the same exposure. See how one woman glows like she’s radioactive and the woman she’s talking to is flat? Both are bad because there are no shadows accentuating their features, but it’s even worse that they’re inconsistently lit.
Also, I’m sorry that the sun moved while you were shooting, but you can’t then cut to a jarringly brighter shot of that second woman in the same scene. If you don’t have netting to knock down natural light, or you don’t have a light meter to ensure consistent exposures between camera setups, do yourself a favor and reset the scene somewhere indoors with a climate you can control.
The same rules apply when shooting exteriors through a car window. Setting the lens to auto doesn’t cut it. If you don’t have the right equipment, figure out an alternative unless you want it to look like a character is opening her car door into a nuclear explosion.
Take a look at the expressions on these two faces. The only time performers should bulge out their eyes this much or contort their cheeks like a Bugs Bunny cartoon is if it’s 1995 and they’re in an “Ace Ventura” sequel. Otherwise, gee, they might be overacting. This is where directors do their main job and collaborate with the cast to “dial it down a little.”
When you’re in the editing room, don’t be afraid to ask, “Do I really need this?” For example, “Do I really need a full two minutes of these two people pitching a tent at their campsite? Would one minute suffice? How about not including the tent setup at all?” “Amityville Vampire” runs 93 minutes, so it’s not like it needs padding to fill out a feature length. No one would have cared if this movie were 15 or 20 minutes shorter. Viewers would have preferred it. If looking for footage to excise, might I suggest either or both of the violent rapes that occur in the final 10 minutes?
The problem with reviewing “Amityville Vampire” through a silent communication medium is I can’t cover the audio issues. “Amityville Vampire” is a laboriously chatty endeavor that extends its duration through drawn-out dialogue. On top of that, the hammy music, which was apparently acquired through a creative commons license, sounds like someone finding out for the first time what the buttons do on a Casio keyboard, including the piano keys.
The other problem I have in reviewing “Amityville Vampire” is I’ve already lost interest in my show-and-tell project after only a half-dozen examples. Losing interest is a running theme with “Amityville Vampire” though. In fact, my interest has waned so much that I don’t even feel like fin-
Review Score: 20
It is moderately compelling in the moment, but it has a hard time holding up to even cursory scrutiny as far as believable “found footage” concepts go.