Studio: Lionsgate
Director: Monte Hellman
Writer: Carlos Laszlo
Producer: Arthur H. Gorson
Stars: Richard Beymer, Bill Moseley, Samantha Scully, Eric Da Re, Laura Herring, Elizabeth Hoffman, Robert Culp
Review Score:
Summary:
Serial killer Ricky Caldwell goes on another holiday slaughter spree after a blind psychic inadvertently reawakens him.
Review:
At a retrospective screening in 2008, Monte Hellman recalled how his pal Arthur Gorson got the green light to produce “Silent Night, Deadly Night 3” in March of 1989. Hellman agreed to direct on the condition that Gorson’s preexisting script went straight into the trash. A new screenplay came together in just one week under the name Carlos Laszlo, a collective pseudonym for several contributors, all of whom apparently didn’t want their real names known. The movie filmed in April, began editing in May, played publicly in July, and hit home video in November that same year.
Does it sound incredible that “Silent Night, Deadly Night 3” went from initial idea to rental store shelves in only eight months? The movie doesn’t offer any evidence to dispute the supposed speed with which it was rushed together. You might even think the film was made in as little as eight hours, since it’s about as go-through-the-motions generic as a slapped-together slasher can get.
It’s boggling to believe that whatever story Hellman insisted on throwing away, which was partly repurposed for “Initiation: Silent Night, Deadly Night 4,” could have possibly been worse than what was whipped up in its place. What supposedly superior idea did Hellman decide to go with instead?
Well, telepathy was all the rage among late ‘80s horror sequels starved for ideas. “Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood” (review here) infamously pitted Crystal Lake’s chief carnage creator against a Carrie White clone. In the third and fourth “Nightmare on Elm Street” films, Freddy faced his own psychic nemeses in the form of a Dream Master and an entire team of Dream Warriors. Even “Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers” (review here) rode the wave by giving Jamie Lloyd an ESP-like link to her murderous uncle.
“Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2” (review here) had no shame hocking up a sequel using half an hour of footage from the first film within the lame frame of two guys talking in a room. It’s no shock then that the franchise’s third installment, subtitled “Better Watch Out” even though “Better Not Watch At All” would advertise honestly, took an equally lazy route by copycatting what its better-budgeted peers had already done in doling out psychic abilities. Just think, if the continuity had continued, we’d probably have at least one follow-up where a killer Santa went to outer space to fight the leprechaun or something.
“Silent Night, Deadly Night 3” takes the Santa suit off of Ricky Caldwell, eliminating the franchise’s distinctive hook in the process, and reconfigures him as a Poor Man’s Jason Voorhees. Ricky inexplicably exhibits ridiculous strength by thrusting his arm through a wooden door, crashing through a glass window, superhumanly stabbing people, and barely reacting after taking a shotgun blast to the chest. All the while, he only utters the name “Laura,” except for a wildly bizarre Porky Pig sendoff where he breaks the fourth wall to wish the audience “Happy New Year.” What the Hell?
Nothing about casting Bill Moseley as Ricky makes sense. Here’s an actor known for colorful, animated characters like “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2’s” Chop-Top and Otis of “The Devil’s Rejects.” Yet SNDN3 pegs him to boringly shuffle around like he’s about to fall over from narcolepsy at any moment. The movie means to remake Ricky with Michael Myers mystique, except Moseley’s slender frame doesn’t have the silhouette to sell the murderer as physically imposing. Add in that’s he’s clad in a hospital gown with a glass bowl over an exposed brain that no one ever acknowledges and Ricky simply looks silly, not scary.
A brilliant doctor, who doesn’t know the difference between Piru and Peru, gets the bright idea to revive the comatose killer using Laura, a psychic who also happens to be blind for no essential reason. Laura has nightmares and predictive visions where her sight works perfectly, yet somehow she doesn’t always recognize the difference between dreams and reality. Here’s an easy hint Laura: if you can see, you’re dreaming.
Samantha Scully brings Jennifer Connelly-like looks and Heather Langenkamp-level acting to the role. Scully only appeared in three feature films before vanishing from the industry entirely. Her final performance was in schlockmeister Ulli Lommel’s 1997 vampire flick “Bloodsuckers.”
(Here’s a throwaway factoid that’s only fun for me. I was a camera assistant on “Bloodsuckers,” which means I met Scully, probably even ate lunch with her, and never knew it until now. I also worked with Richard Beymer, who plays the doctor. I have actual anecdotes about him, but those are for a different time.)
Laura and Ricky establish a psychic connection and yada yada yada, Ricky comes out of his coma to go on another killing spree. At least, we assume he does. It’s difficult to know for sure because every single kill occurs offscreen. Every. Single. One. That’s right, “Silent Night, Deadly Night 3” is a slasher that doesn’t feature any actual slashing. The stingy refusal to depict anything exciting might be hilarious, like when two characters talk about an unseen car being found flipped over, if it wasn’t such a consistently cheap rip-off.
SNDN3 substitutes actionable horror with conversations and cutaways of inconsequential value. What does the movie get out of excessive shots showcasing Laura’s grandmother basting a turkey, stirring pots, and setting a table? What about the doctor and a detective casually chatting about car phones? Answer: More minutes of padding to compensate for a lack of substance in the story.
Of course Robert Culp does good work with what little he’s given. But his role as a lawman seems cut from another movie. The character literally does nothing that directly impacts taking down Ricky. He never even confronts the killer. Aside from the movie’s final moment, Culp only interacts with the doctor. I can’t imagine the filmmakers had time or money for reshoots. But it sure seems like Culp’s scenes were sandwiched into the movie after principal photography couldn’t cough up enough content.
Credits can reveal a surprising amount of information when it comes to how careless a production was with details. “Silent Night, Deadly Night 3’s” titles misspell the names of two separate actors. Robert Culp’s character is either “Connelly” or “Connely” depending on whether you go by the opening or end credits. Then there’s the fact that seven different speaking parts have nobody names like Granny, Assistant, Receptionist, Psychiatrist, Truck Driver, and Gas Station Attendant. That last one is even called Greg in the movie, though he still doesn’t earn a proper name. You know actors love listing roles like those on their résumés.
“Silent Night, Deadly Night 3” doesn’t even have the “garbage day!” camp value of its predecessor. It’s flat out bad, although technically more of a “real” movie than Part Two. By the time the hair metal hero delivers his laughable line, “Is it live or is it Memorex,” we’re more annoyed than amused. Seems to me whatever cigar-puffing moneymen gave the script a go only cared that it was 80 pages long. Never mind how little of it contributed to a plot.
Review Score: 30
If you want to see impossible amounts of blood explode crimson colors like the world’s worst version of a gender reveal, well, “Abigail” at least has that.