FIRESTARTER (2022)

Studio:     Universal/Blumhouse
Director:    Keith Thomas
Writer:     Scott Teems
Producer:  Jason Blum, Akiva Goldsman
Stars:     Zac Efron, Ryan Kiera Armstrong, Sydney Lemmon, Kurtwood Smith, John Beasley, Michael Greyeyes, Gloria Reuben

Review Score:

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Summary:

A young girl with the psychic ability to create fire with her mind fights to protect her family from government agents determined to capture her.

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Synopsis:     Show/Hide Spoilers

Andy and Vicky McGee, whose natural psychic abilities were dangerously enhanced by a secret government program while they were in college, live life in hiding to protect their 11-year-old daughter Charlie, who possesses the pyrokinetic ability to create explosive fire with her mind, from the same agency, the Department of Scientific Intelligence (DSI). However, after a bullying incident at Charlie’s school prompts an uncontrollable explosion, a subsequent investigation by school officials and the police forces the family to go on the run once again.

Charlie overhears Vicky arguing that she needs to be trained to properly use her abilities while Andy, whose own telepathic ability to influence people’s minds has been causing him increasing physical pain, contends it is too dangerous. Andy explains to Charlie that “bad men” are after them because of what they can do. The confrontation and revelation cause Charlie to lash out with fire that badly burns Vicky. In a panic, Charlie calls 911 before Andy can calm the situation.

With the family’s location now revealed, current DSI captain Jane Hollister tasks Rainbird, a ruthless Native American tracker whose psychic powers were also exploited by the “The Shop,” to hunt down Charlie. Rainbird kills Vicky when he arrives at the house to find her alone and she refuses to reveal where her husband and daughter are.

Andy and Charlie return home to find Vicky dead. Charlie’s rage creates an explosion that incapacitates Rainbird and sets the house on fire. Andy and Charlie flee.

Captain Hollister visits Dr. Wanless, her retired predecessor who originally developed the serum that created everyone’s dangerous psychic abilities, at the Herman Pynchot Veterans Hospital. Hollister explains that DSI finally found Charlie, his former pet project, and she wants his help studying her. Wanless unexpectedly warns that Charlie should be terminated because her power will only grow deadlier as she gets older.

Andy uses his influencing ability to convince a passing truck driver, Irv Manders, to pick up him and his daughter while hitchhiking. Irv takes Andy and Charlie back to his farm where they meet Irv’s comatose wife Essi. Irv explains that Essi has been bedridden ever since a car accident crippled her and killed their son.

Andy overhears Irv watching a TV news bulletin that identifies Andy as a fugitive who killed his wife and kidnapped his daughter. An argument starts when Andy tries to explain the truth. Charlie mediates by revealing they really are psychics on the run from the government as she explains she psychically spoke with Essi, who revealed Irv caused the devastating accident that broke his family, but Essi forgives him.

Because Irv had already called 911, the sheriff arrives at the farmhouse with several deputies. While Andy and Charlie hide, Irv tries to placate the sheriff by claiming he was merely drunk and dreaming when he reported seeing the fugitives. Using a sniper rifle, Rainbird suddenly shoots all of the officers dead.

Andy has Charlie flee into a nearby forest. Andy uses his psychic power to make it look like the girl vanished so Rainbird cannot see where she went.

DSI agents wearing contact lenses that prevent psychics from making eye contact to use their abilities arrive at the farm. The agents take Andy and Rainbird into custody. Hollister chides Rainbird for creating a trail of dead cops in his search for the girl. Rainbird counters that Charlie will now come directly to DSI in order to rescue her father. Posing as Andy, Rainbird helps draw Charlie to the facility by sending her a psychic image of the DSI compound.

In the forest, Charlie practices her fire-starting abilities to prepare for her father’s rescue. She then uses her psychic influence to force three bullies into giving up their food and a bicycle. Charlie continues using that influence to control agents as she infiltrates the DSI building. Using a lesson in mercy Andy taught her earlier when she accidentally ignited a stray cat, Charlie kills a DSI agent who tries to shoot her after she extorts him for security access and information.

Charlie finds her captive father. As Hollister tries negotiating the girl’s surrender, Andy uses telepathy to convince Charlie that her best course of action is to burn everything down. Charlie torches Andy and Hollister before embarking on a fiery rampage that kills armed agents throughout the facility.

Several agents in fireproof suits activate a sprinkler system to thwart Charlie. Before she can be captured however, Rainbird has a sudden change of allegiance and guns down the agents. Charlie spares Rainbird’s life after he surrenders to her.

Charlie goes outside the burning building and collapses on the beach. Rainbird joins her. After she accepts his outstretched hand, Rainbird carries Charlie away.

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Review:

You can find plenty of opinions, most of them unfavorable, on prolific writer/producer Akiva Goldsman all over the internet, especially where it concerns his involvement with “Star Trek” projects. There’s no real need for me to add to the dogpile, so I’ll put my take simply. The man serves a purpose. It’s just that his purpose serves producers more than it serves audiences.

Akiva Goldsman is so “Storytelling 101” that he may as well be Robert McKee. That’s precisely why producers adore him. He’s a reliable workhorse who always plays by Hollywood’s rules, so executives enjoy the security of knowing they’ll get something safe with a by-the-book structure they can easily explain. That’s the same reason why viewers yawn when they see his name. Goldsman’s pedestrian playbook yields low expectations for something where you’ll rarely see outside-the-box imagination.

Here’s a somewhat relevant anecdote. In 2017, I attended the first Overlook Film Festival, which debuted in Oregon following its rebrand from the Stanley Film Festival in Colorado. The Opening Night centerpiece was “Stephanie” (review here), a thriller from Blumhouse directed by Akiva Goldsman, who was there in person to present the film alongside Jason Blum.

The movie was messy. Long story as short as possible, it was a routine “creepy kid chiller” partially disguised with bizarre bookends that unnecessarily tacked on a confusing sci-fi frame. I wrote in my review that since this was the premiere screening, I hoped the filmmakers would snap to their senses and either restore what was obviously a more complicated original vision, or else remove this wraparound completely before showing “Stephanie” to the public. The latter is exactly what happened when the film finally released one year later to predictably muted disinterest.

More than that though, Blum and Goldsman used the 2017 event to announce that they were collaborating on a new adaptation of “Firestarter.” That said a lot about “Stephanie” that they appeared more interested in hyping what was up next than in dealing with what was at hand. And, unsurprisingly given how dull the movie was, the only buzz around the festival following the Blum/Goldsman Q&A was about “Firestarter,” not “Stephanie.” I couldn’t help but wonder if “Stephanie” was merely a trial run to get everyone’s feet wet with a horror story about a little girl with telepathic powers before moving up to the Major Leagues of a Stephen King movie.

Except the “Firestarter” redux doesn’t look any more ready for primetime than “Stephanie” did. Even after five years, and a practice film to serve as a test study, all they came up with is another plain piece of stale white bread dropped directly into a straight-to-streaming toaster and left to burn. There’s no longer any question regarding why the movie arrived with nearly no marketing or media awareness whatsoever. Producers knew the hottest flame in “Firestarter” would be the one lighting the fuse on a bomb. Viewers now know it too.

I’ve never read Stephen King’s original 1980 novel. I’ve also never seen the entire 1984 movie starring Drew Barrymore. So I have no dog in either fight that contends “Firestarter” 2022 is worse than the book, or worse than its cinematic predecessor. I can only say that it’s limply underwhelming entirely on its individual merits.

I assume most folks know the basic premise. A little girl has the pyrokinetic ability to create fire with her mind, but she’s too young and inexperienced to control it. A secret government agency (is there any kind of secret government agency other than “shadowy?”) is hunting her down. Her father, a fellow telepath who was once part of that shadowy group’s experimental program, takes her on the run for their protection.

Although he produced it with Jason Blum, Akiva Goldsman didn’t write “Firestarter.” According to credits, Scott Teems wrote the script solo. Doesn’t matter. You’d never know it wasn’t Goldsman because his signature vanilla flavor is the only taste there is to the film.

Here’s a partial list of entries on the cliché counter: A nightmare sequence to start off with a scare. A meet-cute introduction to a giggling family unit enjoying loving calm before a supernatural storm. A montage that tells us someone is a villain by giving us conspicuous looks at his weapons, big boots, scars, and tattoos. A serendipitous TV news report to prompt an act turn (why are characters always watching local news at exactly the right moment when the subject of the bulletin is standing right in the room with them?).

See what I mean about why studios swoon over these routine tricks of the trade? This stuff sells screenplays because suits speak this language fluently thanks to a lifetime of films following these same formulas. Other pat plot points include getting captured, infiltrating buildings, conducting rescues, bad guys suddenly turning good, heroic sacrifices, etc.

“Firestarter” features plenty of people talking, people hiding, and a curious lack of urgency for a story about a desperate father and daughter running for their lives from sinister secret agents. It also features plenty of people staring and people sitting, including fourth-billed Kurtwood Smith, who only appears in one single scene, which should be a criminally punishable offense for misusing the veteran actor. What “Firestarter” doesn’t feature is very much non-digital fire or burning things in general, which has to be about as head-scratching as anything can get for a movie about someone who, you know, starts fires.

In short, the film isn’t exciting, never mind explosive. “Firestarter” finds a fitting home on Peacock since it feels like a total TV movie from top to bottom, with all the small screen snooziness that entails. The ending should have a devastating emotional impact for a variety of reasons, but it doesn’t resonate because there is never much incentive to invest in any of the cookie-cutter people or the outcomes of their truncated arcs.

It’s kind of too bad Jason Blum and Akiva Goldsman weren’t on hand to introduce “Firestarter” like they were with “Stephanie.” It would have been a welcome diversion to hear what they’re cooking up next and hope it might turn out more promising.

Review Score: 45

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